Harry Potter and the Leaked Thirty-Six Minutes

Yikes, someone has leaked footage of the penultimate Harry Potter film online and people are mad. Also today: Steven Soderbergh tackles an old TV show, Rocco DiSpirito gets his own show, and another actor loses his.

Great Dumbledore's dildo! Someone has put the first half-hour of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — Pt. 1 online. It's popped up on BitTorrent and other similar sites, and Warner Bros. is, understandably, pisssssed. They're madder than a Whomping Willow on a windy day! They're screaming louder than a fully grown Mandrake! They're more upset than Professor Snape after Sybil Trelawney gave him that prophecy that read: "You will spend a lot of time fondling yourself and weeping in your sad, Slytherin tower DUNGEON [Ed. note: Sorry guys!!!! Whoaaaaaaaa, sorry) They're just really unhappy about this, is what I'm trying to say. (And sorry for all the Lord of the Rings references. I just couldn't help myself!) [Variety]

Et tu, Steven Soderbergh? The filmmaker is adding one of those TV show adaptations to his eclectic resume. Groaannnn. Those are like never good! Though, in his defense the show is The Man from U.N.C.L.E., which is about cool spies and stuff (like Mission: Impossible, which was good!), and the script was written by Scott Z. Burns, who wrote the criminally underseen The Informant! and the upcoming, omg-can't-wait disease thriller Contagion. So, OK, Soderbergh. We'll give you the benefit of the doubt. But this better be a lot more Traffic than Full Frontal, ya dig? [THR]

Oh good. Pirates of the Caribbean director Gore Verbinski is teaming up with Fox TV and Pirates writer Terry Rossio to create a crime procedural about magic. So it's the best of both worlds! Specifically, the show will deal with "the specialized cops and lawyers who face the unique challenges of prosecuting otherworldly crimes." OH GOOD AGAIN. "The challenges of prosecuting" magic crimes sounds endlessly fascinating. It's like an entire TV series set exclusively within the Wizengamot. (There I go again with those Game of Thrones references!) The best part of the show, however, is the title. Magical Law. There is absolutely no confusing what this show will be about with that title, is there? Set your DVRs now, boys and ghouuuuls. [Deadline]

Sad news for fans of Dylan McDermott Mulroney. TNT has canceled his policeman show Dark Blue after two seasons. This is also bad news for fans of fellow cast member Tricia Helfer, America's sexiest Cylon. (Sorry! I will stop making Harry Potter allusions.) [TNT]

Sexy giant Joel McHale has been tapped to host next winter's Independent Spirit Awards, so that's good for him. You know, I gotta say, while we're on the topic of Joel McHale, that when I first watched Community last season, I was not a fan. Too smug! Too winky! Too something else! So I abandoned it. But then, recently, in a hazy fit of boredom and hangover, I gave it another shot. And you know what? I was wrong. It's good. It doesn't always work, but you do have to respect its pluck and ambition. So. That's that. I know my opinion means so much to you, Community people. Good luck at the ISAs, Joely. [Deadline]

You're all invited to Rocco's Modern Dinner Party! Yes, Bravo has greenlit a cooking competition show featuring America's favorite plastic frozen foods chef, Rocco DiSpirito. In it four chefs will compete to see not only who can cook the best food, but who can create the best tablescape (no one beats Sandra Lee on that front, but whatever) and general ambiance for the event. Sounds fun! But the best part about the dinner party will be at the end when Rocco forces everyone to shoot Restalyne into their faces and he yells at them "Smile!! Smile! Smile like me!! Smile like Rocco!!!!!!!!" and then he tries to cry but can't because of the tear duct accident. That'll be great. [Variety]