Democratic swamp-rat strategist James Carville told reporters today that "If Hillary gave up one of her balls and gave it to Obama, he'd have two." Will Obama mock him, like the last time Carville said something along these lines?
Nothing motivates a politician towards self-improvement more than watching some cozy TV pundit dishing out vague, hackneyed lines about the need for more or better testicles. "Man up." "Grow a pair." "Where are the balls." "Show cojones." "Please literally show your testicles." Except for that last one, we heard many variations of this popular PG-13 metaphor for struggling leaders throughout the last election cycle. Only James Carville, however, has been so elaborate as to recommend that the president of the United States borrow a testicle from his female secretary of state in order to win more legislative battles.
And Carville's used this line — or a variant of it — before, during the late stages of Hillary Clinton's 2008 presidential run. As he put it then, "If she gave him one of her cojones, they'd both have two." So it's not that Hillary Clinton, as today's version suggests, has the normal two testicles but would be willing to sacrifice one to make the president whole again, for the betterment of the country. It's that Hillary Clinton actually has three testicles to Obama's one. A simple transplant would benefit each, since three testicles can't be healthy either. (Although who knows, maybe it's awesome.) So this is James Carville's timeless solution for a struggling Democratic party.
"Well, you know, James Carville is well-known for spouting off his mouth without always knowing what he's talking about," Obama said on Nightline. "I intend to stay focused on fighting for the American people because what they don't need is 20 more years of performance art on television. And that's what James Carville and a lot of those folks are expert at ... a lot of talk and not getting things done for the American people."
He probably won't respond that sharply again now that he's president, and people care even less about James Carville than they did in 2008.
You know, if Hillary Clinton gave one of her balls to James Carville, then he'd have one ball and sixteen mud turtles in his scrotum.
[Image via AP]