David Arquette Leaps Through Window to Secure Booze, and Other Desperate Measures

David Arquette is looking for love in all the booziest places. Tony Parker says he wanted to divorce Eva, too. Miley Cyrus meets a boy. TGIFriday gossip.

  • Wild 'n' crazy David Arquette was so excited to get sloshed at the GQ Men of the Year Awards that he invented a shortcut to the bar that involved climbing through a window. Embarrassing, yes, but it also cut his walking distance in half, so maybe it was worth it? There must be some kind of equation for this, dividing a (walking distance with shortcut) by b (walking distance without shortcut), multiplying by embarrassment rate E, and adjusting Q (quality of booze) to calculate net utility of shortcut. You might also need some kind of standard multiplier x to accommodate for units of measurement and whatnot. So, something like? IF (a/b)*E < Qx, THEN you must climb through a window and get sauced. [P6, image of Arquette at Voyeur last night with a man he said was his bodyguard, but was maybe just a party friend, via Pacific Coast News]

  • David Arquette Leaps Through Window to Secure Booze, and Other Desperate MeasuresMeanwhile, pictures of the newly single Arquette's party life continue apace. Radar's latest selection shows David bumping and grinding a lady who is either backing that ass up; losing her balance; or about to lean forward, grab her stomach, and puke. Cute dress, though. [Radar]

  • Miley Cyrus may have a "burgeoning new relationship" with Nickelodeon star Avan Jogia. He's on a show called Victorious and told Tiger Beat magazine that he's been "hanging out" with Miley "but I don't really have much to say about that." Mostly, I'm just happy to have a reason to cite Tiger Beat magazine. [TigerBeat via HollywoodLife]

  • The Gosselins "have not got to the stage" where they can spend Thanksgiving together. Is that a stage divorced people actually seek, outside of romantic and situational comedy? [Radar]

  • Tony Parker denies having sex with his former teammate's wife, and says the divorce from Eva Longoria was mutual, despite rumors that Eva flew into a rage over sexts with Brent Barry's wife, then filed for divorce on her own. Now everyone's talking about Eva was a fameseeker but Tony wasn't, rendering the relationship forever doomed. Fameseekers must always mate with fellow fameseekers, so as to maximize the fame of their inevitably fameseeking babies, you see. [TMZ, Popeater]

  • Meanwhile, Brent Barry and rumored Tony Parker sexter Erin Barry are reportedly divorcing, too. [OK]

  • Final question on the matter of Eva and Tony: What to do about the matching tattoos? The date of their nuptials is tattooed on Eva's wrist and Tony's ring finger, and Eva has two other Tony-themed tattoos, one of them in a private place that "only Tony" used to see. Given the amount of Eva we've seen in men's magazines and MTV Europe's stage, I'm guessing inner ear? [TMZ]

  • David Arquette Leaps Through Window to Secure Booze, and Other Desperate MeasuresAlanis Morissette got her pregnant belly hennaed and tweeted about it. It's a ritual in some places. [@morissette via NYDN]

  • Zac Posen won a six-week internship with Martha Stewart at a charity auction. It cost him $3500 and has "reality television/blogging/self-promotion" written all over it. Look, he's already getting returns on that investment! [P6]

  • DMX was arrested for the zillionth time (I think this is lucky number seven, or something?) for violating his probation. [TMZ]

  • Meanwhile, in the first month of his 11-month sentence for a drug probation violation, T.I. has announced that he's "sick and motherfucking tired of going to jail, juve, prison, the pen, correctional facilities, or whatever you want to call it." A bad week for criminally challenged rappers with letters for names. [TMZ]

  • But a good week for R&B singers who beat their girlfriends! Chris Brown had a probation progress report, and the judge said, "No one has ever done a better or more consistent job than you have." He's really good about his anger management classes and community service. When Lindsay Lohan gets out of the pokey, she should hire his manager. [TMZ]

  • Giuliana Rancic gets 63 IVF shots a month. "Sometimes I have to get [injections] 21 days in a row, three times a day. It's a lot." Meanwhile, people who watch her TV show keep offering her their eggs. One even offered an actual baby! She politely declined. [Us]

  • Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are designing a line of clothing to sell at Kohl's. You, too, can dress like a musically talented zombie and his human glamourpuss wife! [X17]

  • One of the Teen Moms was charged for domestic violence and battery for an assault depicted on her TV show. Amber Portwood faces up to three years in jail and a $10,000 fine. Good thing she makes $60,000 per season to play an impoverished version of herself on TV. [HollywoodLife]