Tabloid sex-and-xenophobia commentator Andrea Peyser is, as we all know, America's chief booster of the concept of love. So it pains her to announce that Prince William and his slutty hussy bride-to-be are headed for The Big D (divorce).
Andrea, naturally, would much prefer to be writing a celebration of the beautiful and heartwarming pending union of two like souls; but her expert Hussie-dar tells her that all's not well in these Royals' future. For one thing, Kate Middleton is a slut—an old slut:
It didn't take long for Kate's future father-in-law, Prince Charles, who had his own issues with Camilla, adultery and a feminine hygiene product, to play the embarrassing uncle, telling the world that Kate was no virginal Diana. "They've been practicing long enough."
With that cringe-worthy crack, Charles made his point. The bride will be a mature 29 when she walks down the aisle, and the chief function of a royal wife is to produce heirs, isn't it? If William disagreed, he said nothing.
Andrea is simply conveying facts here via journalism, people. Don't shoot the sexxxy messenger. She does, however, find it in her heart to end with words of hope and encouragement:
If this couple puts duty before themselves, they will fail, and horribly.
They have a chance to make this work. I hope they take it.
It's all about love, for Andrea Peyser.