Talking Points For the National Cannabis Industry AssociationS

Medical marijuana now has a national trade organization. Just like every other corporate special interest! Ah, how far we've come. In honor of this dubious step towards the mainstream, allow us to suggest some useful talking points.

  • "You smoked it. And it didn't stop you from reaching middle management at one of southeastern Missouri's top five Hyundai dealerships."
  • "Would you be surprised to learn that your beloved grandmother smoked marijuana every week? Well, she did. She told us."
  • "We can all joke about Cheech and Chong and stoners who say 'dude' and college kids getting the munchies. But in a new legal marijuana environment, Americans will have to smoke lots and lots of weed in order to come up with new jokes about weed that aren't entirely outmoded. And that's where we come in."
  • "Shouldn't we keep consenting adults with small amounts of marijuana out of our jails in order to save that jail space for Muslims?"
  • "Nothing is better than marijuana for maintaining the fiction that you have a real relationship with your teenager."
  • "Considering the fact that I smoke marijuana and am more attractive than you, I don't think you have a leg to stand on, Jim."
  • "It helps you get laid."
  • "Barack Obama."
[Better talking points go in the comments]