Any Jerk Can Make a List of Simple Rules for Economic SuccessS

The Way We Live Now: sharing the wisdom. We don't need any eye-opening crisis or life-threatening illness to prompt us to share with you, the consumer, all of our accumulated economic wisdom. All we need is boredom. Bingo, let's go.

Former Goldman Sachs man Gordon Murray got brain cancer, got inspired, and wrote a short little book called "The Investment Answer" that tells regular folks all the simple facts they need to know for a lifetime of economic security. Fine, that's great and all, but it leaves out those of us who lack a lifetime of financial savvy and a heartwarming tale of woe. We have no qualifications whatsoever—and no inspiration—but we still managed to put together this essential guide in just minutes, through sheer genius.

1. Never trust an Irishman with a dollar.
2. The holidays will always disappoint you in the end.
3. Don't worry about tomorrow when you need money today.
4. You'll never go broke betting on fear.
5. The law exists to help the rich.
6. Poverty is a crime.

Oh, and buy low cost index funds. You Ess to the fucking Ayyyyyyyyyyyy.