One of the great things about growing up down South is the unending, pathological celebration of the Civil War. Wait, not "great"; bizarre and disturbing. The 150th anniversary of secession is just weeks away. Party time! Right? Yea!
The (Northern, liberal, integrationist) New York Times reports that throughout the South, sad, delusional racists with an inexplicable fondness for some of our nation's most loathsome history are gearing up for several types of to-dos.
The events include a "secession ball" in the former slave port of Charleston ("a joyous night of music, dancing, food and drink," says the invitation), which will be replicated on a smaller scale in other cities. A parade is being planned in Montgomery, Ala., along with a mock swearing-in of Jefferson Davis as president of the Confederacy.
Haha, joyous! All races are invited, of course! The "commander-in-chief" of the dress-up costume group Sons of Confederate Veterans explains that "We in the South, who have been kicked around for an awfully long time and are accused of being racist, we would just like the truth to be known."
It surely will, dude.