All good things must come to an end. Yes, we must bid adieu to the first season of Logo's Gay Housewives drama The A-List. No homosexuals were injured in the making of this show—or were they?
That is much too existential question for us to answers, but maybe we can find some insight from Dustin and Jayden, Manhattan's most obnoxious homosexuals. We ran into them at Hudson Terrace for the world debut of acclaimed international recording artist Reichen Lehmkuhl's latest single "Up to the Sky." Here's what they had to say.
"Girl, what are you wearing?"
"A black V-neck T-shirt. What are you wearing?"
"A black V-neck T-shirt. How are we wearing the same thing?"
"It's not the same. My V is deeper than your V."
"And I got mine from Dolce and you got yours from Daffy's." (SNAPS)
"Lady, take it back! Take it back! I do not shop at Daffy's."
"Yes you do."
"Well, yeah, but only because they have really cheap underwear!"
"You're a mess, but speaking of underwear, did you hear about Austin?"
"What that she's fat and that her modeling agent was all 'Why you so fat?' and she was like 'I like to eat' and the agent was like 'Duh' and she was like 'I'm giving up modeling so I can eat carbs and devote myself to my relationship even though my boyfriend lives in England and I never see him. Pass the mashed potatoes, biatch.' Is that what I was supposed to hear?"
"No, girl, that she got all naked in Maine."
"First, of course she got naked. Second, Ew. Third, who goes to Maine?"
"Remember Reichen actually owned that house up there and took all the boys."
"Right, right. And she was all 'They better butch it up, I don't want them wearing Versace and Prada."
"Hello, between Ryan, TJ, and Derek you know it was Gucci, Pucci, Fiorucci, with some Fendi thrown in for good measure, girl. They all came down to breakfast in the drags, and then were swanning about on jet skis."
"Girl, that sounds like fun."
"No it doesn't, it was in Maine!"
"Reichen got all pissed and was like 'Butch queens only are allowed into town. You bitches must stay in this house.'"
"Well, at least she actually owned this house and everyone was allowed inside unlike when they steal house's backyards so they can look all fancy"
"Anyway, so they're all hanging out and everyone wants Austin and Rodiney to fight, but they don't."
"Damn, Austin in stupid."
"So is Rodiney. She doesn't even know how to make a salad, she tried to make a salad out of cabbage and Austin was all 'You don't make a salad with cabbage.'"
"Girl, from the looks of Austin she don't know about salad either, OKrrrrr!" (SNAPS)
"Werq! So Rodiney makes the salad anyway but then is all like 'This Brazillian salad none of joo know abouts it, cause it names in Portuguese."
"You know that was some fake ass salad she made up."
"Right, but Austin ate it and it must have done something crazy to her, cause later that night, she was all crying and talking about how Reichen and Rodiney are in love and he shouldn't break them up, and then she apologized."
"What did Reichen and Rodiney do?"
"Girl, they all started crying and then they were like about to break up."
"What were they wearing?"
"What does it matter?"
"Cause you have to have on a good outfit when you break up."
"What are you talking about, queen?"
"You always remember your break ups and you need every detail to be perfect, and if you have on some really ugly outfit you're always going to remember that you were dressed like a fool. So, what were they wearing?"
"Reichen had on some crazy shawl blanket poncho thing, and Rodiney was wearing a skull cap and some ugly hoodie....Oh!"
"See, I told you! Now they're stuck with that. Whenever I'm in a bad relationship, I always have to dress my best waiting for the break up to happen."
"That's smart, girl. You know Ryan must be secure in her relationship because she wore a camouflage jumpsuit."
"Maybe she should lend it to Austin, then no one would see how fat she is." (SNAPS!)
"Werq! So they got back from Maine..."
"Wait, where was Mike Ruiz?"
"Oh, she was back in the city hanging out with Vanessa Williams."
"Amazing. You know Vanessa Williams ain't standin' for no poodle hair."
"So are Reichen and Rodiney all broken up?"
"I don't know girl. I think so, but I'm not sure."
"They a mess, but not as messy as Ryan."
"What's up with her?"
"She gonna have a baby!"
"She trying, girl."
"Did you tell her that butt babies never live? That is the last thing any of us need. Can you imagine the baby clothes?"
"Oh hell no, that thing would be dressed like International Male for Babies! And you know I love TJ..."
"But being an Aunt is not a cute look for her."
"Not at all."
"So, what are we doing at this event?"
"Reichen was supposed to sing."
"Did we miss it."
"I think so. I heard she was all awful and off key and sweaty."
"I heard it was gonna be a cappella, but then there was a techno track and she was playing guitar."
"That queen don't know what a cappella means. And neither does Austin, she thought it meant 'with electricity.'"
"No, she thought it meant 'with a side of fries.'" (SNAPS!)
"Okrrrr! Well, all of Reichen's girls are here."
"Yeah, I've seen Ryan and TJ..."
"She is so awesome."
"Totally. And Derek and Austin are all best friends now."
"Oh, I ran into Eric..."
"Which Eric? Eric in PR or Erik in PR."
"Girl, that's the same person!"
"No, there's Eric with a C in PR and Erik with a K in PR."
"Oh, yeah. K Erik. She said that Austin is all going back to England to be with her boyfriend."
"Well, since she ain't got no job she's been working her Visa, so she might as well go to England on a work visa!" (SNAPS!)
"Did you see Mike Ruiz?"
"Oh look there she is!"
"Yes, it's her!"
"Girl, that hair is a tragedy."
"And what is up with that trench coat?"
"I know we're on like 10th Avenue right now, but that does not mean she needs to dress like a tranny hooker from 1998."
"Speaking of hookers, where's Austin?"
"Oh, Eric with a C said she got in a big fight with Reichen cause he was all 'Your song is amazing' to his face and then was telling Derek 'His song is awful' and Reichen called him out. And then Austin was like 'I can't be your friend until you dump Rodiney' and Reichen was all like 'Well, fuck you.'"
"So, are they broken up?"
"Who knows? Who cares?"
"Yeah, I kinda do too."
"Damn, these queens should all make a reality show or something."
"Right? But who the hell would watch it?"
"I would too."
"But I'd hate myself for it."
"I would too."
"Let's go get another drink so we can forget these queens ever existed."