How is the airline industry's plan to save itself by showering passengers in booze coming along? Swimmingly (in booze)! Let's check in on the latest ways you can drunk at inappropriate times in airports across America.

USA Today has compiled a helpful list for the desperate alcoholic frequent fliers out there:

  • Chicago: airport bars serve booze 24 hours a day. It's always 5 p.m. somewhere!
  • Portland: airport stores sell booze as early as 5 a.m. It's always 5 a.m. somewhere!
  • Vegas: liquor store in the baggage claim area. Wonderful!
Plus American Airlines has an in-flight happy hour, and United has a signature cocktail. You literally never have to be sober, from the moment you set foot in the airport to the moment the air marshals are dragging you off the plane and into the waiting straitjacket.

[USA Today, photo via Mulmatsherm]