Book-Banning Loons Really Getting Organized

Good news, educators: the book-banners are more organized than ever! Instead of lone nuts calling for books to be banned, now it's national groups of nuts, like the Parents Against Bad Books in Schools. And what makes a book "bad?"

Here's PABBIS' explanation of its philosophical beliefs: "Bad is not for us to determine. Bad is what you determine is bad. Bad is what you think is bad for your child. What each parent considers bad varies and depends on their unique situation, family and values. The main purpose of this webpage is to identify some books that might be considered bad and why someone might consider them bad."

Relativists, eh? By applying these stringent standards, PABBIS has determined that books by Judy Blume, Chinua Achebe, James Michener, Pat Conroy, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, J.D. Salinger, Toni Morrison, Alice Walker, Truman Capote, Leon Uris, Richard Wright, Cormac McCarthy, and many, many other are Bad.

Hey fuckers, even Plato knew that relativism is bullshit. Go read a book, why don't you.

[USAT. Pic: San Jose Library]