Justin Bieber Wears a Mustache, and Other Signs of the Apocalypse

Justin Bieber toys with the outward indicators of sexual maturity. Jermaine Jackson owes $100,000 in child support. Lady says she didn't boink Eva Longoria's husband. Aretha Franklin goes under the knife. TGIFriday gossip.

  • I stared at this picture of Justin Bieber with a mustache for at least ten minutes, so shocked was I to see this immaculate child of the mop-topped bebop exhibiting outward manifestations of male sexual maturity en route to a fancy dinner in the Mayfair neighborhood of London. But fear not, Biebs' John Waters impression was a "pencil mustache" in more than one way: High resolution images and eye witness testimony reveal it was a fanciful, inked-on goof. So don't feel sad and old just yet; Justin is still a puberty away from voice cracking terror. [HollywoodLife, image via Pacific Coast News]

  • "Naomi Campbell surprisingly polite at Art Basel." I refuse to believe this. Imagining a world where Naomi isn't a monster leaves me feeling unmoored and alone. [P6]

  • Christina Aguilera gave an interview about why she's divorcing Jordan Bratman, but I am far too mesmerized by the accompanying photograph to read a single word. I have reproduced it in high resolution below, because I find it amazing that humankind has the ability to create synthetic semi-liquid substances with such remarkable adhesiveness that one can paint this much on, and it does not immediately slide off and splash onto the floor, a flash flood of face pigment. We have truly conquered nature. [People, image via Getty]
  • Justin Bieber Wears a Mustache, and Other Signs of the Apocalypse

  • Aretha Franklin had a "highly successful surgery" for an undisclosed medical condition yesterday, and is doing fine. [People]

  • The sleazy Canadian blogger who was among the first to push the dubious Miley Cyrus naked picture rumor now says it wasn't her, but a 19-year-old "look-a-like." Why would you need a look-a-like for a neck-down picture, though? [ZackTaylor]

  • Rich guy buys cheap socks at Filene's Basement. Reasonable mommies everywhere murmur their quiet approval. [P6]

  • Erin Barry—wife of basketball player Brent Barry and the woman thought to have come between Eva Longoria and Tony Parker—says she did not sleep with Eva's man: "My friendship with Tony Parker had nothing to do with the end of my marriage (which is painful enough without this added drama), and to assume that we had an affair is naïve, ridiculous, and completely misguided." Maybe the "shady text messages" Eva found weren't sexts, but bitchfests about how much they hated their respective spouses? [TMZ]

  • Justin Bieber Wears a Mustache, and Other Signs of the ApocalypsePrincess-to-be Kate Middleton has a royal Kate Middleton look-a-like. Kate Bevan has no plans for neck-down internet nudity—yet. [People]

  • Kirsten Dunst filmed a sexxxy sex scene with Ryan Gosling where she gave him oral sex in the shower. "I gesture that I'm going to go down on him. And then I do." I am now filing Melancholia All Good Things in the section of my mind that holds Love and Other Drugs. Update: Whoops! Melancholia is Kiki's Lars von Trier movie. All Good Things is her blowjob one. Really don't want to mix those two up. [VanityFair, HuffPo]

  • Deadbeat dad Jermaine Jackson owes so much child support, the city of Los Angeles confiscated his driver's license. Apparently $100,000 is too much. [TMZ]