Luke Russert Strongly Denies Water Is WetS

In your undeserved Tuesday media column: Luke Russert speaks unconvincingly, sports columnists issue predictions unwisely, NYT ad revenue descends gently, and a PR guy threatens a journalist. Jokingly!

  • Here is dictionary definition of "nepotism" Luke Russert, defending his own existence as an NBC reporter: ""The news media is a results-oriented business. I don't think a company like NBC would pay me if I wasn't qualified and wasn't able to produce on this level." He goes on to say, "Blah blah blah blah patent rationalizations." Luke, try this: "I'm very lucky to be here and I promise to make the most of this amazing opportunity."

  • "After Monday night, the Jets will be in first place by themselves." "Why Jets Will Beat Patriots Tonight." "The Day the Patriots Empire Began to Crumble." There's no reason why sports columnists shouldn't be held accountable for their shit sometimes.

  • The New York Times says print ad revenue will decline 4% in the fourth quarter, and digital ad sales will rise 10%. This is considered an improved rate of worsening.

  • After the Baltimore Sun's Jay Hancock wrote something that Abbott Laboratories' VP of marketing David Pacitti didn't like, Pacitti emailed a colleague, "Someone needs to take this writer outside and kick his ass! Do I need to send in the Philly mob?" Haha, kidding, Jay! Don't make a big deal about it. We know how to shut you up—by waiting outside your house in the morning, grabbing you, throwing you into the back of a car, taking you to a dirty warehouse, and breaking your fingers one by one until you promise never, ever to write anything about us again. Haha, kidding.
[Photo: Getty]