No Gay Sex at the World CupS

The 2022 World Cup is being held in Qatar, a country where being gay is illegal. But Sepp Blatter, the president of soccer's world governing body, has a simple solution for gay soccer fans: Don't have gay sex!

Yes, that is what Sepp Blatter, the ineffectual, idiotic president of a embarrassingly corrupt organization, has to say to concerns about Qatar's anti-gay laws and how they could affect gay soccer fans. In fact, he said: "I would say they should refrain from any sexual activities." Do you hear that, gays? You are totally invited to the World Cup! Just don't, you know, do any gay stuff.

But, oh, Blatter was kidding. It was a joke! A hilarious joke, like the time he suggested that female soccer players wear tighter shorts to attract more fans. Just don't ask him what he actually thinks, because then he'll say something like this:

"You see in the Middle East the opening of this culture, it's another culture because it's another religion, but in football we have no boundaries. We open everything to everybody and I think there shall not be any discrimination against any human beings be it on this side or that side, be it left, right or whatever. I think there is too much concern for a competition that will be done only in 12 years. But it gives me the opportunity to say that in Fifa, and this is in the statutes of Fifa, we don't want racism, we don't want any discrimination. What we want to do is open this game to everybody, and to open it to all cultures, and this is what we are doing in 2022."

Yes, that makes everything much clearer. No racism, no discrimination, "be it left, right, or whatever," except in Qatar, in 2022, at the World Cup. Soccer: Building bridges!

[Guardian; image via Getty]