How to Dress Like a Swiss BankerS

Because Swiss bankers are such notorious slobs, always showing up at work in old Metallica t-shirts and unwashed tighty-whiteys, UBS has issued its staff a 43-page (or possibly 52-page) dress code, covering them from fingernails to unmentionables.

You may be asking yourself: How can I, a simple blog reader, dress like a Swiss banker? Here are some of the key elements of style:

  • "Men should don footgear with a shoehorn; women should not wear new shoes."
  • Button your dress coat when you stand, ALWAYS. I don't care if you're tired of it.
  • "Women may wear no more than seven jewels, men three."
  • "Scarves are compulsory, and to be tied with 'authorized knots.'"
  • "The hair-care section notes studies have shown that properly cared-for hair and a stylish haircut 'increase an individual's popularity.'"
  • "UBS's advice for men even extends to underwear, which should be of good quality and easily washable, but still remain undetectable."
  • Lingerie should be "skin-colored," and ladies' skirts should not be "too tight behind."
  • Ties must match the "morphology of the face."
Whatever!

[Photo: AP]