Santa-Style Socialism Has No Place in America

The Way We Live Now: falalalalala-ing. It's a little holiday carol of cheery tidings we enjoy, entitled "Privatize Christmas." Santa on a private sleigh! Temp elves! Globalized toy labor! Let the poor decompose and fertilize the ground. Privatize all, falalalala!

Instead of hiring people in real jobs, what we're going to do, see, from a human resources perspective, is to hire temps. It's good because it ensures that all the people who lost real jobs can find some temp work! And still have time to pursue their "entrepreneurial" projects (crime)!

"Holiday spirit" is all well and good, but we can't have the titans of our economy adding risk by pandering to mewls of every "underprivileged" type out there. A dollar saved is a dollar earned—for business, which is the business of this place, America. You have to give up on the notion that you'll find "bargains" by shopping around. Bargains are bad for business! A solid economy requires a high level of "churn," which is just a fancy word for money that flows from you, to the rich, to the illegal exotic animal smuggling trade, and back again.

When you understand these natural "cycles," you understand that lefty Santa-style welfare goes against the very nature of nature, and its money supply. Instead of trying to "prop up" a thoroughly collapsing useless relic of a once-great manufacturing town, just let it die. Its decomposed corpse will serve as fertilizer for new government subsidies to high-end spinal surgeons. That, in turn, will allow certain pharmaceutical interests to grow wealthy enough to formally buy control of our nation's governors.

Go the fuck back to the North Pole, Santa. You can see Russia from there. In the USA, we make our own Christmas spirit. We suck it from the bodies of the weak.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

[Pic via]