Report: Jewish Witches Tormented Guantanamo Bay DetaineesS

A former Guantanamo Bay detainee is accusing the U.S. of using witches and Jews to abuse inmates there. While the Bush Administration's use of Jews in the war on terror is well known, this is the first report of witches.

Walid Muhammad Hajj, a Sudanese man who was detained at Gitmo and subsequently released, gave an interview earlier this month to Al Jazeera in which—according to a partial and selective translation by the right-wing advocacy group MEMRI—he said Jews and witches were running rampant on the base, casting spells and generally causing mayhem:

Walid Muhammad Hajj: The most common method to wear down the brothers was witchcraft.

Interviewer: How did they do this?

Walid Muhammad Hajj: There were, of course, Jews among the [staff of] the Guantanamo Base, and they would set traps for the guys.

Interviewer: Give me an example of witchcraft.

Walid Muhammad Hajj: Witchcraft was used on most of the guys.

Interviewer: They would cast a spell on them?

Walid Muhammad Hajj: Yes, but by the grace of Allah, through frequent reading of the Koran and invocation of the names of Allah, they managed to withstand this.

One particular spell cast against Hajj involved a phantom cat that tried to "penetrate" him as he slept:

Interviewer: Did they ever use witchcraft on you?

Walid Muhammad Hajj: There was one attempt.

Interviewer: How did they do it?

Walid Muhammad Hajj: Once, when I was sleeping – on the floor, not on a bed – I suddenly felt that a cat was trying to penetrate me. It tried to penetrate me again and again. I recited the kursi verse again and again until the cat left.

Interviewer: But there wasn't really any cat there?

Walid Muhammad Hajj: Absolutely not.

Other spells included talking birds and talking pants forcing inmates to urinate in their milk:

Walid Muhammad Hajj: That's right. I remembered an incident with a guy who sat next to me in the morning. When they brought the milk, he began to urinate into the milk.

Interviewer: In front of you?

Walid Muhammad Hajj: Yes. I said to him: "Why are you urinating in the milk?" That's when we knew that he was under a spell. After he had recovered a little, after we read Koranic verses to him, he said to me: "The birds on the barbed wire would talk to me, and tell me to urinate in the milk. When the guards pass by my cell, the sound made by their pants talks to me."

A lot of right-wing types are having fun with Wajj's account, because stupid backward jihadists are medieval and anti-Semitic. Which is true. And indeed, sort of funny. What's not so funny is that the actual, non-mystical reason that prisoner pissed into his milk is in all likelihood that he was driven insane by torture at the hands of the U.S. military. Also, Sarah Palin believes in witches, too.