Lindsay Lohan Is Off the HookS

It looks like Lohan might not face criminal charges for her rehab assault kerfuffle. Lindsay's spirit sister Demi Lovato has reached similar peace in her life. Zac Efron has shaved his hair and it is sad. Britney Spears shops.

  • Dawn Holland, former Betty Ford Clinic employee and Lindsay Lohan's supposed assault victim, has decided to no longer press charges against the fiery cocaine golem, saying that she doesn't want to mess with Lohan's probation because she's been down that road herself in the past and knows how hard it is. Which is respectable, I think. Too bad she got fired from Betty Ford for blabbing to gossip rags. Too bad about that. [TMZ]

  • Speaking of mutated Disney princesses, Demi Lovato, the studio-owned orphan who was accidentally injected with a rage serum during one of Robert Iger's curious experiments in his lab under Cinderella's Castle, has settled out of court with the dancer she punched on a private jet. Ha. You know... It's really a sign that your life has gone somewhere strange when you're punching a dancer on a private jet. So little in that sentence is normal, the punching, the dancer, the private jet. I once roundhouse kicked an opera singer on a zeppelin, but if you knew me in civilian life, that would make sense. But punching a dancer on a private jet? That's just sui generis. I'm sort of proud, Demi. I sort of am. [TMZ]

  • Infected glowworm Britney Spears was spotted on Long Island with her boyfriend, agent Jason Trawick, shopping at a store called Milk & Honey. While Spears seemed visibly distressed that there was not in fact any milk or honey for sale, she managed to pull herself together and buy some dresses, wearing one out of the store. The pair was later seen at JFK airport with shopping bags, headed lord only knows where. My guess is that Spears is still on the lonely sad hunt for her mom, Kim Cattrall. [P6]

  • Aw. Actors John Krasinski and Billy Crudup were at Cabin Down Below, the tiny East Village "speakeasy" on Avenue A (it's sort of below Niagara) the other night, and while Krasinski's wife, Emily Blunt, was in the bathroom, he and Crudup began playfully tossing olives at each other. Back and forth they went, giggling and giggling, stopping only when Blunt returned from the bathroom. Wifey musn't see hubby flirting, after all. When asked for comment, the bartender said "Yeah, real fucking cute. Guess who gets to pick up all those olives?" [P6]


  • Lindsay Lohan Is Off the HookS
  • Nooooooooo!!!!!! Beautiful seahorse twink Zachary Elfwinkle has cut his glorious hair! The actor is filming a new movie about a masturbating soldier, so his head had to get shaved. Too bad. It must have felt cathartic post-breakup, though. Or empowering in a G.I. Jane sort of way. But it's still sad. [Us]

  • Ryan Reynolds has officially filed for divorce from his wife Scarlett Johansson. This means both are officially single. Though, word to the warning, that does NOT mean they are officially ready to mingle. Single is legal and exact, while ready to mingle is a harder to define state of mind. So, proceed with caution. [TMZ]

  • Like something of a modern day Iphigenia at Aulis, The Snooki Monster is being lowered down on a ball into Times Square on New Year's Eve, where presumably she will be devoured by some great beast as means to a New Year's sacrifice. You'll be pleased, then, to hear today that the Snooki is accepting her grim fate in her usual brave and august manner, saying of being in the sacrificial ball "I'm gonna be like a friggin' hamster." Yes, proud Snooki! A hamster of the gods! [Us]

  • Uh oh! Real Housewife of Orange County Gretchen Rossi might owe her ex-boyfriend $40,000 in legal fees. The ex-boyfriend's name is Jay Photoglou. Photoglou? Oh great, so a reality TV star is now just dating some sort of shadowy photo agency, a dark black oort cloud of paparazzi images that's become sentient and given itself the human name of Jay. "Gretchen? Gretchen, where are you?" "I... I'm in it... I'm in the photoglou... It's so beautiful... so beautiful... they should have sent a poet..." [Radar]

  • Old adult on the block Joey McIntyre is expecting his third child with his wife fourteen-year-old you Barrett. The child will join siblings Griffin and Rhys. (The next kid's name is going to be Stone or Aragorn, just you wait and see.) So Joey McIntyre will soon be a father of three and in a little over a week's time it will be 2011 and then beyond that, who knows. Eventually we'll all be just bone and memory. And then, later, not even that. [People]

[Photo via Bauer-Griffin]