Jonah Goldberg Announces Discovery of Normal Gay PeopleS

The National Review's Jonah Goldberg thinks recent advancements in the cause of gay rights are ironic, since serving in the military and getting married are normal, whereas gays are freaky and wear ballgags all the time. Joke's on you, gays!

Now that gay people are on the cusp of winning a decades-long struggle for the right to serve openly and honestly in the military, Goldberg has taken the time to reflect on what he calls the "rise of the HoBos - the homosexual bourgeoisie." These new creatures that Goldberg has discovered—normal gay people, the kind that want to serve in the military—are drastically different from the gays of yore, who "wanted to smash the bourgeois prisons of monogamy, capitalistic enterprise, and patriotic values and bask in the warm sun of bohemian 'free love' and avant-garde values."

Which is why letting them serve in the military is a good thing. That's what normal people do, and conservatives like normal people. Until now, all gays were hellbent-for-leather freaks on leashes. Now, though, they show up on TV shows like Modern Family, which, Goldberg writes, is the number one sitcom among Republicans and features a "hardworking bourgeois gay couple." It's like the gay version of The Cosby Show, which taught Goldberg that there are black people who don't talk jive.

Of course, the recent rise of the normal homosexual renders the decades-long struggle for bourgeois rights like serving in the military or getting married something of a mystery, doesn't it?

When it comes to the biggest, and most divisive, gay rights issue, Goldberg is characteristically blunt and and forceful:

Personally, I have always felt that gay marriage was an inevitability, for good or ill (most likely both). I do not think that the arguments against gay marriage are all grounded in bigotry, and I find some of the arguments persuasive. But I also find it cruel and absurd to tell gays that living the free-love lifestyle is abominable while at the same time telling them that their committed relationships are illegitimate too.

The man certainly has the courage of his convictions. We feel the same way about the issue of whether Jonah Goldberg should get punched, hard, in the face: There are good arguments on both sides, but it's pretty much inevitable.