Everything Celebrities Say About Fitness Is a LieS

Celeb fit myths exposed! Energy Kitchens everywhere! The 94 year-old daddy diet! Republicans embrace exercise! Feeble gymgoing works! Workaday workouts! Man loses weight! And your New Year's resolution, exposed! It's your Thursday Fitness Watch, where we watch fitness—2010 style!

  • Oh look, a group of people who are actually qualified to say things about science has released a list of the biggest celebrity-endorsed health myths. You cannot "reabsorb" your own sperm for energy. The famous syrup/ lemon/ pepper cleanse diet is bullshit. (Implied: never listen to Ashton Kutcher). The concept of "detoxing" your body is bullshit. The concept of "boosting" is bullshit. Those "hologram-embedded silicone bracelets which makers claim can improve energy and fitness" are bullshit. An easy way to remember it: if a celebrity says it, and it's about fitness, and it doesn't involve being a celebrity with countless hours and limitless money to dedicate to steroids, it's bullshit, unless that "celebrity" is Gawker.com.
  • Superhealthy food chain The Energy Kitchen is opening a dozen new franchises next year, and the boss says he may open a thousand in all. You have no excuses left (for not eating at The Energy Kitchen).
  • How does 94 year-old new dad Ramjit Raghav "do it," so to speak? "My daily diet comprises of three litres of milk, half a kilo of almonds and half a kilo of ghee," he says. "I had visited a quack in the village and he gave me some tablets, but I threw them away...Nothing will happen to my child as I will die only if a black snake bites me and that is very far. Visit me after 10 years and you will find me in the same appearance." End of discussion.
  • Even some stupid Republicans are standing up and agreeing with Michelle Obama that our kids should not all be fat. Not the stupidest Republican, though.
  • New research shows that people who are in very good shape who stop exercising will rapidly lose their fitness; but other new research shows that all you need to do to maintain most of your fitness level is to work out once or twice a week. Although to be fair, champions know that if you're staying still, you're going backwards. That's what we say here at the University of Alabama-Birmingham intramural swimming program, and it's true everywhere you go in life.
  • Tom Slater is an American who lost weight. That fact alone automatically makes him newsworthy. Alarming.
  • Interested in getting a workout—while you're at work? You sicken me.
  • Fitness experts agree:

    Everything Celebrities Say About Fitness Is a LieS