The Way We Live Now: looking back wistfully at the glorious year past, standing astride the river of commerce, one foot on the solid bank of triumphal economic revival, the other on the muddy bank of economic recession. Dancing!
Bad news first? No, that's trite. Let's do it in a jocular, alternating style. Yes, it's true that this past decade was surpassed only by the 1930s when it comes to horrible returns in the stock market. But remember, "recovery" is the word of the coming decade; why, they've just sold a skyscraper for nearly a billion dollars. And it's in Boston! Imagine how much a building in a real city might fetch!
Yes, it's true that our nation's war veterans are returning from Iraq and Afghanistan with PTSD and being greeted by a hugely depressing likelihood of unemployment. But then again, banks are opening their "loan spigot." Veterans can start a donut shoppe, or a hedge fund! Entrepreneurialism! The promise of the US Army television ads is alive and well!
Yes, it's true that this week's big snow storm probably cost retailers $1 billion in sales. But you know who did great this year? Christmas tree salesmen! And they were all sold out by the time the storm hit anyhow, by definition! Perhaps these "retailers" just need a bit more Christmas cheer in their "business planes," eh?
Yes, it's true that silver prices are so high that a crash is all but inevitable, and it's true that the dreaded funds of "Japan Inc." stand poised to crash down upon American shores like Eastern Thunder. But hey, there are more condo development opportunities in Mecca than ever before! And new year's eve spending will soon be putting all those retailers "back in black!" And if someone buys in a condo in Mecca on new year's eve, we all get free virgin cocaine parties right on top of the Wailing Wall, as bombs go off all around us, in celebration of the year 2010, which will forever be known as the year Recessionomics became Recovernomics became Just Plain Fun!