Reading This Is Shortening Your Life (And That's Okay)

Fever benefits! Zicam problems! Chemo hair preservation! Oxytocin limits! Flu vaccines! Obesity costs! Mental illness wackjobs! Fluid colds! And screen hypnosis death! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—as if you have any left!

  • We have to be completely honest with you: when you were a kid and we told you that having a fever would make you grow up to be a ninja ballerina who marries whichever girl/ boy you want, that was a lie. But it was a sign of a working immune system, at least.
  • Has anything good ever come out of Zicam? Not that we know of.
  • Oh wild: turns out if they keep your skull chilled while they give you chemo, then your hair won't fall out. Thanks for thinking of that one before anyone's hair fell out, scientists.
  • Oxytocin is nice and all, but don't push it.
  • Sure a "Universal flu vaccine" sounds great, but who will do the hard work of preserving the legacy of our various regional flu vaccines, each with their own unique culture?
  • Obesity is costing America $270 billion a year, so Fritos will now cost $4,675 a bag. It's the hidden costs that get you.
  • Scientists are trying to use electricity and magnets to cure mental illness. That's really sad. What next, cognitive behavioral therapy?
  • The doctor always told you to drink plenty of fluid to beat a cold. Well, the doctor told you you were "perfectly normal," too. Enough said.
  • Spending more than four hours a day sitting in front of a TV or computer screen will shorten your life....ah, I mean, shorten your dick... I mean... shorten your hair. Your hair. Carry on as usual, average Gawker reader.
[Pic via ]