After reading Julian Assange's infamous OKCupid profile, Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger has declared the Wikileaks founder a bitter, underminey seducer who will make his lovers as miserable as he is, and be tortured by them. You don't say.
Stanger agreed to review Assange's profile for Esquire in a controlled, highly scientific environment: She was not told who the drapey-haired blonde lothario was, only that he was high profile and "rich," which, well, may be true technically.
Stanger gave Assange props for using an alias to ward off "fame whores." But she slammed him for warning ladies interested in a "regular, down to earth guy" to "keep moving." Stanger: "That's a bunch of bullshit.... He's going to attract the diva drama bitches." Stanger also hated his line about wanting "women from countries that have sustained political turmoil:
Who the fuck says that? ...This is the most bitter man alive... He wants a woman who will give him an opinion - but I bet you he'll hate her opinion.... And he's going to attract the Russians...They're very miserable, they don't smile, they're never happy. So he'll just keep trying to please them, and... perfect match."
Stanger concluded, before being told his actual identity, that Assange would "make great love to you then tell you what's wrong with you. That's called 'seducing and reducing.'" Nailed it — except for the "make great love" part, which is very much in dispute.
[Photos via Getty]