Panera Tricking Hippies Into Paying 'What You Wish' for SandwichesS

Who the hell eats at Panera Bread Co.? That's a trick question because everyone knows the answer is "Hippie suckers with lots of money." They're so hippie and rich that they just pay without even being forced to. Suckers.

Panera just opened its third(!) "pay what you wish" store, which is a fancy way of saying that they hand over a sandwich and they tell you a "suggested" price, and then it's up to you to pay this "suggested" price, but you don't technically have to, you could actually pay them a nickel and they wouldn't call the cops or anything. I know, dumbest business plan ever. But Panera's brilliance was to place these weird stores in hippie havens such as Portland and, uh, Clayton, Missouri. And also to make them technically "nonprofit" Paneras (another brilliant business plan, sure) and to put their profits into the community and shit to really lay the guilt trip on thick to these hippies who probably can't think too logically to begin with due to marijuana smoke clogging their synapses and blocking out all of their critical faculties save for one voice inside their head screaming "Get a sandwich now at all costs! Pay whatever they wish!"

And nobody even brings up Panera's $17 lobster sandwich from smack dab in the middle of the recession. "'In some ways it is a test for humanity,' said Ron Shaich, founder of Panera who launched the concept for the company." Oooo Panera, you and your hippie talk makes me so mad, I am going to steal the hell out of your free sandwich. You won't get away with this.

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