Jersey Shore: Two Dudes, One ChickS

In this episode of our favorite award-winning one hour drama Jersey Shore the castmates are all aflutter with drama. The Situation gets shafted by Vinny and Sammi alienates the last person in the house who actually tolerated her.

In tonight's episode of Jersey Shore the house has turned against itself. The aftermath of the physical altercation between Sammi and Jwoww has split the house into two camps: Sam and Ron, and then everybody else. First Sam and Ron dipped out on going out to the club, and then, shockingly, dipped out on the holiest of holy days- the Sunday Night Dinner.

I know. It's blasphemy. Before we go into the droll, never-ending story that is Sam and Ron we must first examine the woes of the Situation.

Poor Situation. He doesn't want that girl, all he really wants is to make sweet and passionate yet tender love to Vinny. However, norms in Guido society deny him that privilege so he has to settle for the next best thing: A two dude Ménage à trois. The Situation knocks on the locked door longingly but Vinny does not feel the same way- he just wants to smoosh this girl one on one. The Situation goes to sleep dejected. Alone, dejected and most-likely crying silently.

The Situation wasn't the only castmate who went to sleep alone. Thus continues the boring saga of Ron and Sam. Ron takes Sam to the boardwalk to ride rollercoasters with the rest of the house. Sounds like a good idea, right? Everyone likes rollercoasters, right? Wrong. Sam is the Ice Queen of Seaside Heights, she wants to eradicate all fun anybody in the house may possibly have. Ronnie notices this and drama ensues.

Okay. I may be the only one here- but maybe there should be some sort of Statute of Limitations on this argument. This may be the three hundredth time I've seen this argument. I've seen it so many times I sometimes have cruel, horrible night terrors about it. Yes, Ronnie drunkenly motorboated some grenades in Miami. We know. Sam knows. Ron knows. Half of America knows! I hate to say it but I'm with Ronnie on this one- either forgive him and move on or just break up with him already.

Between the Situation's dashed hopes at smushing and the heart-wrenching tale of Ron and Sam there are many broken hearts on the shore this season. Will the Situation smush again? Probably. Will Sam and Ron break up? Who cares. Until next week, my friends.