Police Produce Captivating Girlfight Play-by-PlayS

The police department of Lincoln, Nebraska has a crimestoppers website where they post America's Most Wanted-like videos about local criminals. Today's entry: an uncomfortably anthropological girlfight play-by-play featuring a Mickey Mouse hat, flying hair, and a public bus.

The "trashy people getting into a humorous fight" internet video genre is both captivating and insulting. We've created a virtual amphitheater where unwashed gladiators may battle on a digital stage, for the amusement of virtual emperors seated at computer desks.

The result is occasionally humorous (Mickey Mouse hat) and always depressing. The Lincoln Police Department's video indulges an anthropological instinct with documentary-style voiceovers and color-coded circles around the fighters and their flying hair. (After her weave is torn from her scalp, one fighter drapes them around her neck, like a champion boxer sopping sweat with a towel.) At the end of the video, we get dossiers on each of the assailants, and information on how to turn them into the police. This, we are led to believe, absolves the gladiatorial bloodlust: We aren't smug rubberneckers, but upright citizens, helping to fight crime. [Lincoln Crimestoppers via KETV]