Charlie Sheen's Guide to Hiring HookersS

TMZ acquired an email allegedly showing Charlie Sheen hiring a hooker in Las Vegas. Gone are the days of Heidi Fleiss! New media has empowered men to find and hire hookers by themselves, on websites like CityVibe.com.

Here's how you, too, can hire a hooker, just like Charlie Sheen:

Charlie Sheen's Guide to Hiring Hookers

1. Check the listings on CityVibe.com, the premiere site for "escorts in your area."

Charlie Sheen's Guide to Hiring Hookers

2. Choose a suitable mate. Write a complimentary email on the internet-enabled device of your choice. Like this:

Subject: Your Cityvibe Ad
From: Charlie Sheen <[redacted]@aol.com>
Date: Mon, January 10, 2011 8:37 am
To: [redacted]@gmail.com

Ginger..
U are fabulous!
I'm an A-list actor that you mite like to meet….. Ure fone is dead and out of service ….
310 [redacted]
xo
cs

Sent from my iPhone

Charlie Sheen's Guide to Hiring Hookers

3. Get cash ready. (If your assistant is holding your wallet, beckon her.)

Charlie Sheen's Guide to Hiring Hookers

4. Rampage.

Now, it's possible that the email TMZ posted was not actually sent to Sheen by a hooker. (Faking contact with Charlie Sheen must be a lucrative side industry for hookers.) But I like to imagine that, at any given moment or hour of the day, Charlie Sheen might be grinding his teeth at the end of an epic cocaine binge, browsing through online hooker listings the way normal people browse for books on Amazon.

May every internet hooker in America sleep easy tonight, knowing that tomorrow morning, if she's lucky, there just might be an email from an A-list celebrity she "mite like to meet" in her inbox. [TMZ]