Hot flashes! Poop eating! Shingles cure! Alcoholism medication! Alzheimer's test! Organ transplants! Smallpox preservation! Vaccine seizures! Cancer breastfeeding! And a little encouragement for the sexually promiscuous eating-disordered ladies! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—yes, yours!
- Turns out the antidepressant Lexapro can help cut down on hot flashes among menopausal women. How about inventing something that gives hot flashes to young male New Yorkers? It's cold.
- Time magazine asks: Would you eat someone else's poop to cure chronic diarrhea? Seriously.
- They maybe have found a shingles vaccine. That would be great if I had shingles, which I don't.
- An anti-nausea medicine has the side effect of helping alcoholics cut down their alcohol intake. But not down to "zero," which is where it needs to be, if they're alcoholics. We can only assume this medicine really fucks you up when you take it with alcohol.
- Researchers have a new test that can tell you years in advance if you're likely to get Alzheimer's disease. Would you want to know? Sure, tell me, I'll forget anyways. Hahahaha, CLASSIC!
- Lots of patients in America are waiting for organ transplants and meanwhile organ donors can't get into the country because of visa issues. Yea, wake me when I need an organ and I'll worry about it, Pedro (for President).
- The World Health Organization says that rare smallpox strains should be preserved. Ummm okay, what will they be preserving next, sharks? Tigers? Come on.
- Federal officials are investigating whether flu vaccines are related to "a blip in seizures reported among young children." That's righ Seth Mnookin, Jenny McCarthy has prettier breasts than you, just deal with it.
- If you had cancer when you were a baby then you should breastfeed your kids. Sure, and if you had, like, dandruff as a baby, then you should totally, you know, have your kids watch lots of Sesame Street. I hate when they just make shit up.
- Hey ladies: turns out that birth control pills don't make you gain weight, but eating actual food for breakfast instead of some fake ass "Special K bar" or something does. So... just keep doing what you're doing.