Paupers' Graves Are a Bygone LuxuryS

The Way We Live Now: just messing with you, but seriously. Sometimes you hear something so crazy you're like, "You're just messing with me." And they're like "Yea—but also, it's true." We can't even afford to die any more.

Haha, this one brought a great chuckle to me as a currently living human: state budget cuts are so severe that municipalities across the country are giving up on the humble pauper's grave in favor of the more humble pauper's cremation. Graves require real estate! Graves require upkeep! Cremation is cheap! Dead people don't even care! Living people need money!

We're fucking with you. But really no, we're not. It's totally true. It's just one of those things that makes us wish we were fucking with you. Like how the US Postal Service is closing 2000 offices because they're unprofitable. Duh! How in the world could they be profitable? They're in the business of taking a letter from you and sending it all the way across the country on an airplane for what, 40 cents? And meanwhile airplane tickets cost like $300? Do the math, US Postal Service! Coulda seen this one coming a long time ago! And I love how people will still complain about the post office. It's like dude, you're only getting the best deal in the whole of America!

And gum. What is up with people who chew gum all loud?

But seriously. It's "no laughing matter" when I tell you that, yes, economists are seriously considering the question of whether we will all be forced to become polygamists in order to most effectively huddle together for warmth once the food runs out and the blankets run thin. They haven't ordered us to do so yet, ladies, but we can confirm that they are examining the question. How will we employ ex-convicts, now the largest group of any sort in America? Perhaps by making them "service providers" for "unsatisfied" polygamists, if you know what we mean? We mean talking about the possibility of entire states going bankrupt while also applauding the continued rise of the Dow. That's what we mean.

We are totally not fucking with you, on purpose.

[Photo: Ken Lund]