Lindsay Lohan Got High with Her Eyes, and Other FeatsS

Lindsay Lohan gets a "tripped out effect" from sunglasses lined with flashing lights. James Franco has a sex tape. Rihanna's purported lesbian lover speaks. Montana Fishburne pretends to drink bleach. Tuesday gossip is a rave.

  • Lindsay Lohan Got High with Her Eyes, and Other FeatsA sober Lindsay Lohan got high with her eyes, so talented is she at the art of altered states. The above party picture—at a horror-themed electronica birthday party—depicts LiLo wearing some sort of face contraption that is lined with tiny lights, allowing the wearer to close her eyes while the lights flash in time with music, resulting in a "tripped out effect." Sober Lindsay: Partaking in activities that normal people have to be stoned to find enjoyable. Though others at the party boozed, word is LiLo and neighbor/ex-girlfriend Sam Ronson stuck to Red Bull. [TMZ, Sans35, images via Sans35 Party Photography]

  • Director Kevin Smith says it's "soul-crushing" to work with Bruce Willis. Apparently America's sexiest human cueball is a major bitch when it comes to movie promotions. [DailyMail]

  • Kelly Osbourne is replacing Taylor Momsen as the face of Madonna's tween clothing line. Did Momsen get fired? Do tween girls care about Kelly? So many questions! Apparently Lourdes announced the line was "desperately seeking" a new star a couple weeks ago. [Us]

  • Most troubling daughter in show business, porn star, and Laurence Fishburne progeny Montana Fishburne faked a suicide attempt to freak out her dad: In August, when father and daughter weren't speaking, Laurence hired a private investigator to tail Montana, and when she knew the P.I. was videotaping her, she pretended to drink bleach "to put on a show." I can't believe such an event has ever occurred outside of farce comedies and improbable deus ex machina in B-movies. Anyway, now a video exists of Montana Fishburne faking suicide, and it briefly entered the legal proceedings for Montana's alleged assault of boyfriend's ex, until everyone realized it was fake. [TMZ]

  • RED ALERT: James Franco has a sex tape. When Newsweek asked him a completely unrelated question about the "secret to landing a good kiss," he went on a horrifying tangent: "Anybody who has made a home sex tape knows what feels best doesn't always look best," he explained. "I remember when I was 19 doing that, and then watching it back and thinking, 'Oh, that looks horrible.' So you have a lot of respect for those actors in pornography, because they are really not just doing it, they're really selling it." [Newsweek via Vulture]

  • Tiffany is sorry for outing former New Kid on the Block Jonathan Knight. She didn't realize he'd never officially come out, and blew the lid when she discussed her failed romance with him. ("He became gay later. I didn't do it! But he's fabulous.") Knight's response: "Tiff, please don't lose any sleep over it! I know you weren't being mean and I found it to be funny!" Perfectly in stride. [NYDN]

  • Lindsay Lohan Got High with Her Eyes, and Other FeatsA lady named Tajah is writing a tell-all starfuck memoir, in which she describes being Rihanna's lesbian lover: "Sex came up immediately and she was a freak. I wasn't in a sexual mood, I was on my spiritual journey and sex wasn't apart [sic] of my plans, it just wasn't important to me. However that didn't stop anything. She went down and gave me head, I didn't stop her. She bragged about the way I tasted and then all of a sudden after I came she snapped out of it and would get right back into her music. It was like clockwork. I never went down on her, she was more interested in pleasing me." Media Takeout, which scored the excerpt, remains "skeptical" about the tale, and since MTO was "ROCK SOLID" about Beyonce being pregnant (she was not) "skeptical" must mean this is definitely a fairy tale. Unless it's always opposite day at Media Takeout, in which case Rihanna is totally into muff? [MediaTakeout]

  • Britney Spears signed her boyfriend back on to be her agent. She fired him so they could focus on their relationship, but it turns out she doesn't trust anyone as much as him, so he's back on her "team" at William Morris Endeavor. [Us]

  • Willow Smith, a 10-year-old created in a test tube in a secret bunker underneath Hollywood Boulevard, posted a "sneak peak" of her next single on Facebook. It's called "21st Century Girls," and the music video calls for lime green eye shadow. [Facebook, People]
  • Zac Efron is on the Z.E.N. diet. It stands for "Zero Effort Nutrition," because a fancy food service delivers every meal to you, in a gigantic, highly embarrassing lunchbox with a Z.E.N. logo on it, so everyone will know how fat and lazy you are. [DailyMail]

  • Bret Michaels is having surgery to close a hole in his heart. If that's not a medical crisis ripe for song, I don't know what is. [NYDN]

  • Chelsea Handler and hotelier Andre Balazs continue their campaign of handling one another in public: "Chelsea sat on Andre's lap, straddling him, and kissed and caressed his face in front of everyone." Maybe she was suffering from temporary blindness, and just wanted to look at him. And since her sense of touch isn't as good as a natural blind person's, she had to look at him with more body parts than just her fingers. "I wasn't dry-humping him. I was looking at him with my vagina." [P6, E!]

  • Russell Brand gave Helen Mirren a pair of his underwear, and she's "going to have them framed." [Us]