That's right, it's another episode pitting House against Cuddy's daughter Rachel, whom he deems "dumber than a paste sandwich." Plus, Chase's Facebook account gets hacked by a spurned lover, leading to some fantastic nudity and pretty-boy awkwardness.
The promos for this week's House teased a medical mystery involving a secret relationship between a drill sergeant and one of his trainees, which made us think that FOX was going to fire a Parthian Shot at "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." When the real hidden relationship reveals itself, however, it's far less controversial: the kid is secretly the drill sergeant's son. Lame!
So, while Dr. Foreman, Dr. Taub, and Dr-in-training Masters spend the episode unravelling THAT mystery, Hugh Laurie gets down to business acting alongside an adorable toddler. (or pair of toddlers, technically, since Rachel Cuddy is portrayed by twins)
In a smart send-up of modern parental snobbery, Dr. Cuddy tries to enroll Rachel in a "prestigious" preschool with a program for "gifted" children, completely oblivious to the fact that Rachel is more "touched" than "gifted." House, eager to get the munchkin out of the house as often as possible, tries to weight the odds in Rachel's favor by familiarizing her with the toys and games used as the preschool's "admissions exam" play-date before the date itself.
The best part about of these scenes, though, is the fact that you can clearly tell that the kids playing Rachel a) are having a great time and b) absolutely love their curmudgeonly co-star:
So, that leaves us with Dr. Chase. Last week's episode contained what we thought was a throwaway line about the handsome surgeon "operating" on three different women at the same wedding, but much to our delight, the joke was actually embedded to set up this week's shenanigans.
This is a mystery show, after all, and Chase soon finds himself the victim of an anonymous hacker who clearly holds a grudge about a love affair gone awry. The team quickly deduces that it has something to do with Chase's recent public display of cocksmanship, and we all get to watch the pretty Aussie squirm as he revisits each of his one-wedding stands:
Of course, the hacker turns out to be neither of those gals, but rather his third conquest's jealous/slut-shamey sister, whom Chase did not bed. Hilariously, he tries to make it up to her by asking her out to dinner, but she responds with "just change your password to anything but password."
And despite House's best efforts, Rachel Cuddy is not admitted to Princeton's finest preschool. But at least we're left with this, your moment of Zen: