Michele Bachmann Will Have Tonight's Greatest Speech

Republicans and Democrats are both furious at CNN, the only network which will air Rep. Michele Bachmann's Tea Party response to tonight's State of the Union in addition to the official Republican response. But CNN refuses to compromise!

Some Democrats are worried that Bachmann's probably hilarious speech will make Rep. Paul Ryan's official response "look moderate and reasonable in comparison." Ryan speaks pretty and uses all sorts of professional-sounding numbers, but his ideology is actually quite radical. Democrats are also upset that they never got to deliver two nationally televised responses for every one of George W. Bush's State of the Unions.

Republicans, meanwhile, don't want the two speeches to show a "split" within the party. Also, and more importantly, they really don't want crazy insane Michele Bachmann following Barack Obama on national television! They need to court independents in a presidential election cycle, after working the far right into a frenzy for the past two years in order to win a pointless midterm election about nothing.

Proposed solution: Let CNN show whatever it wants and stop caring so much. By next week no one will even remember that anyone spoke tonight.

[Image via AP]