While you were busy tuning in to the State of the Union, the rest of us were watching the series premiere of Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best?, the mother-daughter duo's new reality show. This is what you missed.
Legendary comedienne Joan Rivers and her daughter, former red carpet parasite and self-dubbed "producer" Melissa, have been living on opposite coasts for the past several years. Despite her strong roots in New York, Joan decides to move to LA to be closer to her family.
Rather than buy her own home, Joan decides to move in with Melissa even though everyone around them thinks it's a terrible idea. Hell, even I think it's a terrible idea. Remember their award show days? How Joan would crack mean jokes about Melissa in front of the likes of Hugh Grant and Melissa would plaster that sad, frozen half grin on her face? Ugh, it was awful. Despite their very public and antagonistic history, both women insist that cohabitating will be a non-issue.
It won't just be the two of them living together. In fact, our Melissa keeps quite the full house in Los Angeles. There's her son Cooper-he's exactly what you picture when you imagine a 9 year old named Cooper, so there's no reason to really go into him-and his nanny Dominica. Swedish and Playboy Bunny-esque, Dominica is certainly something to behold and she upsets Joan greatly. Ever the loving mother, Joan advises Melissa to "hire an ugly nanny" because an ugly nanny won't steal Melissa's men away. While this advice is sad and outdated, I'll have to admit that I did a total spit take when I saw Dominica and her implants preparing Cooper's breakfast while wearing only a sports bra (later, on a family outing to the beach, she removes her bikini completely. Congrats on the nanny, Cooper!). Rounding out their staff is Sabrina, Joan and Melissa's assistant (she seems normal and keeps her clothes on). Next, there's Conrad. Conrad is Melissa's friend who is staying with her until he gets his real estate license, which is code for living with your rich friend and not paying rent (I'm sick of writing. I think I might get my "real estate license" instead). In addition to being a leech, he's also a blond adult who rides a skateboard and owns too many pairs of sneakers—these things never add up to anything good.
Lastly, we have Jason, a former tennis pro and Melissa's boyfriend of two years. Jason has officially moved in, but no one has the guts to tell Momma Joan. The tension of the episode is built around Joan finding out, though, ultimately, the reveal amounts to nothing more than a somewhat polite dinner conversation. Turns out Joan has no problem with her forty-something daughter having a live-in boyfriend (just as long as he stays away from that no good Dominica).
Oh, goodness! I almost forgot that Joan brought along all of her dead friends! Like I said, it's a full house.
[There was a video here]
Now that you know what you missed, do you really feel like the State of the Union was more worthy of your time?