The Way We Live Now: in a state of total war. If we must sacrifice a portion of this nation in order to more thoroughly dominate another nation, well, that sounds like a good deal to us. Suck it, Japan!

As I'm sure you've heard, judging by your wildly askew party hat and discarded noisemakers, the S&P has downgraded the credit rating of Japan. The hated Japanese, always trying to be poor role models! The dastardly Japanese, always being surpassed by the Chinese economy! Wave goodbye to your AA credit rating, fiends! Try getting a good deal on a loan now!

No new cars for the Japanese, not any time soon at least!

Yes, we've had to make our own sacrifices. We had to seize the finances of Nassau County, for example. Shame, big shame. Those guys just didn't know how to do math though, that's what it comes down to, just between us. Couldn't do long division if you spotted them three decimal places and an abacus. God damn shame of our education system, is what it is.

No matter. Last year was a good year for the banks—the American banks. Was it a good year for the Japanese banks? I don't know, do I look like a Japanese banking pamphlet magazine? Ahahaha. But I surmise it wasn't if you judge solely by the fact of their debt downgrade! Ahahaha.

It's a fine time for America. At least if you're judging by the position of our debt rating relative to Japan's. A fine time, in that case. Sure, we have concerns about our massive and uncontrollable deficit set to suck all of our grandchildren's grandchildren into its black hole-like event horizon. But we won't worry about it right this second. For today, we celebrate. We got one over on the Japanese. Debt ratings and baseball talent are really the last things we have left. Pray for us.

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