Law & Order Commemorates Jeffrey Epstein's Taste for Teen Hookers

Convicted pervert, billionaire blogger, and oval-shaped penis-haver Jeffrey Epstein has moved back to New York! His welcome: A Law & Order episode fictionalizing crimes against teen girls, a party with Katie Couric, and the most exclusive sex offender classification available.

Since his release from prison last July, Epstein—who pleaded guilty in 2008 to soliciting prostitutes as young as 14 for handjobs—has lived primarily in Florida at his Palm Beach estate. But late last year he relocated to his lavish townhouse on East 71st Street between Madison and Fifth Avenues in Manhattan, and oh how New York has hailed his return!

Last night, for instance, Dick Wolf's Law & Order: SVU aired a "ripped from the headlines" episode that seemed to be aimed directly at Epstein. The villain was "Jordan Hayes," a "billionaire pervert flying in underage girls for sex" on his private jet. His parties make the society page, he's friends with "a former president," and Hayes almost gets away with the statutory rape of a young girl before our heroes uncover scores of underage girls he had sexually abused.

Lest anyone miss the references to Epstein's case, the L&O producers made sure their rapey billionaire always wore a collar-up shirt that recalls the fleece that the real pervy billionaire likes to wear for his mug shots:

But being a convicted sex offender gets you more than just your very own thinly fictionalized L&O episode. It also gets you the finest party guests: Two months ago, Epstein hosted a party at his New York home in honor of his pal Prince Andrew. Among the high profile swells who showed up were Katie Couric, Charlie Rose, and George Stephanopoulos.

Maybe they showed up because Epstein isn't just any convicted sex offender: According to the state of New York, he's the most dangerous kind. When he moved back to New York, Epstein was obligated to register with the authorities there. And when a convicted sex offender from another state moves to New York, the case is reviewed by an Albany panel known as the Board of Examiners of Sex Offenders to determine what level of sexual offender the convict should be designated.

Level One is the lowest. Level Three is for people at the greatest risk to commit a similar sexual crime in the future.

After reviewing the case, the board prepares a secret report and sends that to the prosecutor of the county where the pervert is residing. Much to the credit of Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance, his office took Epstein's case seriously. An assistant district attorney was assigned to prepare the case for a hearing before Supreme Court Justice Ruth Pickholz. Two weeks ago, Epstein's hearing was held in room 1047 of the courthouse at 111 Center Street, and Judge Pickholz ruled that the Prince Andrews' party boy of East 71 Street was a Level Three Sexual Offender.

Under state guidelines, that means Epstein has to report in person every three months to his local New York Police Department precinct house to confirm his current residence, and has to have a new photograph taken every year by the police. Here's what the first one looked like:

Law & Order Commemorates Jeffrey Epstein's Taste for Teen Hookers

Level Three, baby.