The Decision That Changed Jennifer Aniston's Life Forever

No, nothing in her personal life. In her professional life. It was a big decision! Also today: news about The Avengers, a Vampire Diaries catastrophe is saved, and Julia Roberts is really really jealous of someone.

Jennifer Aniston, the miserable old spinster who lives alone in a mansion on a hill and is always madly cackling or crying or both, apparently turned down a spot on Saturday Night Live in the early '90s, choosing to do Friends instead. Can you imagine! It's funny when "choosing to go on SNL" is the thing that would have made a career worse. Nice options you got there, Aniston. I guess in the end, though, none of it matters. Friends, SNL, what difference does it make? The fact of the matter is that no man will ever love Jennifer Aniston, she's old and ruined now, so she is lonely and miserable and wanders her house, touching the cobwebs lightly with her fingers, allowing herself to whisper his name only once. [E!]

Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Kevin Williamson, who wrangles big words and then stuffs them in teenagers' mouths, has indefinitely shelved his planned Vampire Diaries spin-off. Bwahhhhhhh. 2011 is ruined! What are we going to do now that we can't look forward to a whole new Vampire Diaries series about cute boipires named Defan and Stamon (instead of Stefan and Damon, get it)?? I'm going to go cry in my room and listen to Muse. Hm? What's that? Kevin Williamson is going to work on a new series by the same author as VD, about a teen girl who moves to a town called New Salem and discovers she's a witch?? Ohhhhh. Will their be cute warlocks, I mean boilocks??? Will their names be cool and sexy, like Tryder and Stig? Or Newsom and Derm? Nolyn and Wagner? Zanely and Hantch? Come up with the boys' names! What should the boys on Secret Circle, the new witch show, be named? Jaxyl and Moritz? Palson and Grig? Freeman and Xavian?? [Deadline]

It had long been rumored by now it seems confirmed. Julia Roberts, terrible mouth-demon from Laughsylvania, will be playing the Wicked Queen in The Brothers Grimm: Snow White. This is not to be confused with Snow White and the Huntsman, in which Charlize Theron is playing the Queen. It'll be kind of interesting to see Julia Roberts play the villain. Has she ever done that before? I mean, other than in Runaway Bride? Jules Robert isn't the most versatile of actresses, and period stuff has never been strong suit (See: Collins, Michael; Reilly, Mary), so this should be an interesting uphill climb to watch her attempt. Anyway. What about Ristan and Wylan?? [EW]

So Sam Jackson was on Jimmy Fallon last night and he mentioned that he is going to do a screen test with five actresses up for the role of Nick Fury's sidekick in The Avengers, the Marvel superhero super mash-up. The list is: Morena Baccarin, the V star who was also on Avenger director Joss Whedon's Firefly; Jessica Lucas, who has already won the Academy Award for her performance in the upcoming Big Momma's House 3: Bigger and Momma-er, Cobie Smulders from How I Will Never Meet Your Mother As Long as This Show Is Profitable for CBS; and Mary Elizabeth Winstead, from Scott Pilgrim vs. Too-High Box Office Expectations. But that's only four! Who is the fifth one??? It'll be the one who gets it, I bet. I bet it'll be Jennifer Aniston. [THR]

Thane and Brazer? Dixon and Fife?

It seems that Amber Heard, the actress who's been up-and-coming for like five years now, is in talks to star in the new NBC pilot Playboy, about the Playboy Club in 1963 Chicago. The pilot is apparently being directed by Alan Taylor, who did the pilot for Mad Men, so that's good. Though the script was written by a guy whose biggest credit is that CW show Runaway, the one with Donnie Wahlberg that was canceled after a few episodes, so that's bad. But it comes with a free frogurt! That's good! [Deadline]

Barry Watson, one of the forgotten Camden kids of 7th Heaven (they only had so much thunder and Biel took it all when she left), is signing on to costar in the TV Land pilot Rip City, a comedy about an Oregon cola company. .... Uh, well, at least Christine Taylor is in it! She's great and doesn't need to take a job for the money, so maybe the script is actually quality! Frankly I'd rather watch them in R.I.P. City, and it'd be about a town of ghosts where, I guess, the R.I.P.D. would patrol. Frankly, I'd rather see Christine Taylor on her own HBO or Showtime show. I have an idea for you, Christine. Email me! [TV Line]

Pampton and Gliff? Ewing and Rafely? Quint and Soren? Thratch and Ivens? Help!

[Photo via Getty]