Why We Can't Live on the 54 New Possibly-Habitable Planets

Astronomers have identified 54 new exoplanets in the "habitable zone" of their solar systems—meaning they could potentially sustain life as we know it. But we won't be able to live on any of them! Here's why:

  • KOI 683.01: Atmosphere filled with poisonous gasses
  • KOI 1582.08: Barren, rocky wasteland
  • KOI 1026.01: Commute would be awful
  • KOI 1503.01: Weird color
  • KOI 1099.01: Right near a really loud planet
  • KOI 854.01: Month-to-month lease
  • KOI 433.02: Other planets in solar system kind of creepy
  • KOI 1486.01: No deserts
  • KOI 701.03: [Rolls eyes]
  • KOI 351.01: Soil makes vegetables taste like vomit
  • KOI 902.01: No. Just, no.
  • KOI 211.01: Already occupied by race of alien beings
  • KOI 1423.01: Dangerous solar system
  • KOI 1429.01: Just a weird vibe
  • KOI 1361.01: Really cold
  • KOI 87.01: Requires guarantor
  • KOI 139.01: No subways nearby
  • KOI 268.01: Gravity works in opposite direction
  • KOI 1472.01: [Sarcastic laugh]
  • KOI 536.01: Schools are bad
  • KOI 806.01: Weird smell
  • KOI 1375.01: Shared bathroom
  • KOI 812.03: Probably used to be really nice, but now...
  • KOI 865.01: Absurd broker's fee
  • KOI 351.02: Entire planet is on fire, always
  • KOI 51.01: Orbit induces nausea
  • KOI 1596.02: Don't even ask about this one
  • KOI 416.02: Too far away from your parents
  • KOI 622.01: Actually a star, not a planet
  • KOI 555.02: No good restaurants
  • KOI 1574.01: Too many craters
  • KOI 326.01: Yeah, right
  • KOI 70.03: Not enough gravity
  • KOI 1261.01: Ugly
  • KOI 1527.01: Couldn't even find this one
  • KOI 1328.01: Constant earthquakes
  • KOI 564.02: Completely gentrified
  • KOI 1478.01: Badly-done renovation
  • KOI 1355.01: Sun is way too bright
  • KOI 372.01: Just couldn't really see us living there, you know?
  • KOI 711.03: High taxes
  • KOI 448.02: Native species make weird noises
  • KOI 415.01: Saw a mouse
  • KOI 947.01: Oceans bad for surfing
  • KOI 147.01: Funny shape
  • KOI 401.02: Other planets just not really our scene
  • KOI 1564.01: Terrible view of ugly part of galaxy
  • KOI 157.05: Actually too much like Earth, if that makes sense
  • KOI 365.01: Tides are totally out of whack
  • KOI 374.01: Home to highly addictive spice, dangerous giant worms
  • KOI 952.03: Too fancy
  • KOI 817.01: Not wired for cable
  • KOI 847.01: Bad Yelp review
  • KOI 1159.01: Priced out

[BBC; image via NASA]