The Roommate Kills All of Its Competitors

A slow weekend saw the ladies rushing out to the cineplexes to have their fun before football madness descended upon the land and all was boy until Monday.

1) The Roommate — $15.6M
In this drawing room comedy, Lady Merciful "Mercy" Coddington (Minka Kelly) is visited at her Devonshire country manor by a distant cousin named Lady Millicent Durrbridge (Leighton Meester). It's a most unexpected visit, but ever so delightful in its surprise! The two ladies spend many scenes wandering the hedgerows, discussing the propriety of London men, the availability of various dark, foreign dukes they've seen at balls and galas, and of course the nature of a woman's place in the ever more modern world. Things go amicably between the two cousins, forced to room in the same quarters after a small fire in the manor's East Wing, until Lord Northly Fensterstrim comes calling to Lady Mercy's father, Lord Coddington, on a business matter and the two women enter into a madcap, but genteel, war for the handsome young swain's affections. Being the younger of the two, Lady Millicent tries to act in the manner of her older cousin, much to Lady Mercy's annoyance. Of course in the end, Lord Northly is wooed by Lady Millicent's bumbling, and Lady Mercy finally puts her prejudices and societal edicts aside and admits her love for Jack Wenslington, the bookish owner of the local public house. A gay party is thrown and the two cousins toast, saying they are ever so glad they became roommates that summer. So naturally it did well! It made back almost its entire budget in the one weekend, so it's likely done well enough for distributor Screen Gems.

2) Sanctum — $9.2M
This James Cameron-produced movie should have maybe done a little better based on his endorsement alone, but it didn't. I blame that title. That title is just... There's something off about it. I know what they're trying to do and what it means and whatever whatever, but Sanctum. I mean, it sounds septic, doesn't it? It sounds anatomical. And it's all about spelunking! Just sounds a bit penetrative, frankly. So the title didn't help. But neither did the subject matter. People are only interested in cave exploration disaster movies if there are cave monsters at the bottom of said cave. Without the cave monsters, you've just got a bunch of people grunting and yelling while stuck between two rocks, and 127 Hours already covered that for us this season. We've had enough of that! As 127 Hours would have been a lot more exciting had poor Aron Ralston been besieged by cave monsters, so too would Sanctum if Ioan Gruffudd and crew were being chased down by pale, shrieking, blind and bloodthirsty creatures. Without that, well... you can shove that movie where the sun don't shine. Y'know, in the sanctum.

3) No Strings Attached — $8.4M
I don't really know what to say about this anymore. Apparently no one is as concerned about the Ashton Kutcher problem as I am. I see it is a great threat to our very way of living, and everyone else is just all "Oh relax, whatever, it's no big deal." I feel a bit like Al Gore, to be honest. Like Al Gore in the '70s and '80s, when he was talking to Congress about global warming/climate change and they were all "That's bunk, man!" It's a very frustrating feeling. Well, you'll all be hanging your heads in shame and telling me you're sorry, I was right, when this thing gets really bad and Ashton Kutcher has affected the entire subcontinent of India (by doing Bollywood movies, of course), causing a huge refugee crisis. Yeah, you'll be saying I was right along right about then.

34) Cold Weather — $15,100
This mumblecore mystery opened on one screen, the IFC Center on 6th Avenue, and did pretty well. Though now that a significant portion of the Bushwick, excuse me "East Williamsburg," post-college community has seen it, I'm not sure it has that much more audience left. Oh, well, no, that's not true. It might have one more weekend of success, ticket sales primarily coming from the early-30s Lower East Side self-employeders, who considered going this past weekend but opted against it, sensing it would be "full of kids." Afterward they'll go to Jane for dinner, because they can afford it now, and discuss the film, and then a few months later they'll forgot they ever saw it.

35) Waiting for Forever — $10,200
This ludicrous looking indie ditty did not do so well on three screens. Probably because it looks like an indie, secular version of one of those Christian movies that Kirk Cameron is starring in these days. You know the Fireproof type movies that are earnest and sappy to the point of seeming grim and aggressive. It's a shame because I actually find Rachel Bilson pretty likable, despite the limits of her ability. But no, I still don't want to see her in a movie about a magic indieboy who charms her with his obtuse, indie ways. I could go watch that shit happen for free outside the IFC.