We are about to enter the manufactured romantic season of Valentine's Day with all its candies, cards, and flowers. Boo! Instead of having a candlelight dinner, we're going to celebrate the darker side of romance: the breakup.
Even when he's showing up at your door with gifts or she's sending you those first flirty text messages, the breakup is already on the horizon—that horrible period where your heart is raw, your eyes are dried out, and your stomach is churning in despair. But there are also those wonderful breakups, the kind that's more of an emancipation from someone who treated you badly, wouldn't call you back promptly, and slept with your best friend Stephanie even after you told him not to and that she might even have an STD.
In the comments below, share with us your best and worst breakup stories. We want to hear about the guy who ditched you with a rude text message while you were at your grandmother's funeral, the girl who dumped you on your birthday so she wouldn't have to get you a present, and that asshole who left you at the altar to run off with your maid of honor. But also share with us your most creative dismissals, the sweet revenge you took on an abusive ex or how you finally paid back that jerk who gave you a nasty case of crabs.
Whoever has the best, saddest, funniest, most creative, and most well-written story will win a box of chocolate and a dozen roses. Here are some guidelines:
- Stories must be in the comments section of this post. I love hearing from you, but stories sent by email are not eligible.
- Be concise! There are definitely points for style, but a rambling story won't get read in its entirety and therefore won't win.
- If you have multiple bad breakup stories, pick the best one. Compounding the misery won't get you any additional sympathy (unless it's the same person who dumped you repeatedly—that's just fucked up ).
- Standard contest rules apply.
We'll announce the winners on Valentine's Day, so while everyone else is booking reservations at restaurants they can't afford, we can stew in the misery of a million failed couplings. Now get in the comments, and break all of our damn hearts.