Jersey Shore brawler and undiscovered artistic talent Jenni "JWOWW" Farley released her dating guide, The Rules According to JWOWW, today. Shockingly, she's got some pretty good advice for everyone.
We flipped through the slim tome—JWOWW is not a girl with many rules—and, while not as promising as Snooki's literary debut there are some universal truths tucked away in there. And they don't just pertain to dating, but fashion, partying, and the guido lifestyle in general. Let's look at a few.
Yes, it is a good idea to stop drinking if you puke. While many frat boys will try to convince you that puking up a gut full of booze just makes room to put more in, you should probably listen to what JWOWW says and just give it a rest once you've hurled chunks everywhere.
Here is JWOWW's list of things you should never leave the house without. A cell phone and cash are common sense and condoms are wishful thinking (but it's better to be prepared), but the unexpected truism is an extra pair of undies. JWOWW is right: There are a bunch of different situations where that could come in handy. OK, there's really just one, but it's a good one!
I'm going to have to take JWOWW's word for it—since I'm neither a brawler or a fan of fake nails—but this is a really smart observation. If you're going to beat people up, of course you want to keep your fingernails short. There's no reason you should get injured for giving someone the beating they had coming.
Finally, here is some explicit dating advice. JWOWW says that on a first date, don't engage in an activity where you could possibly make a fool of yourself. So right. You always need to put your best foot forward. This rule also applies to oral sex. If you give lousy at giving it, save it for later in the relationship. Bad head is always a deal breaker.
This is something that many of us have yet to realize: People don't care about the designer of your clothes as long as they look good on you. The fact that your ill-fitting, funny colored top is Prada does not make it flattering. It just makes it expensive and ugly. However a pair of $20 jeans from Target can look like a million bucks if they fit you right.
Sarcasm aside, this is not only true literally, but also metaphorically. Damn, JWOWW, you just blew my mind with this one. While it sucks that she ruined ex-sex, at least we know that JWOWW (or her ghost writer) actually learned a thing or two over the years from all those failed relationships.