You're Messing Up Our Neat Little Racial CategoriesS

What has happened to the neat and tidy racial divisions placed unto our planet by god himself? I'll tell you what's happened to them: lots of fucking. We can no longer tell who's what just by looking! We can no longer trust our suburban redoubts to be lily-white! We can no longer make convenient racial jokes secure in the knowledge that no one in listening range belongs to one of the ethnicities being mocked! Nooooooo!

Problem number one: due to—how do we put this?—sexxx, kids these days tend, more and more, to be composed of hodgepodges of various strands of DNA from all over the globe. People are part Latino and part black and part white and part Native American and who knows what else, and everyone's arguing over how to count who in what category, and it's totally screwing up the statistical record-keeping methods of government bureaucrats. I mean really, people. Before you go to sexxxing, think of the statistical record-keeping methods of government bureaucrats.

Problem number two: we have reports of "incredible diversity"in the suburbs. What is even the point of the suburbs, then? Come on.

Problem number three: now even Europeans (who know about discrimination, by being gay, and America kicks their ass all the time) sound like they're tired of "multiculturalism." It sounded so much better to them when it was all theoretical!

I mean sure, we still have racial slurs and racial insults and racial assaults. But will those thing still be around for our grandchildren?

[Photo: Shutterstock]