What's Opening in Theaters Today

Treat yourself to a movie this chilly February weekend, because of all the things to do to keep warm, sitting in a movie theater is one of the more wholesome. Opening in theaters today we have Jen Aniston pretending she's married, Justin Bieber pretending he cares about his fans, and Channing Tatum and Jamie Bell pretending they haven't noticed what's happening between them.

Cedar Rapids

The lovable Ed Helms stars in this comedy from The Good Girl director Miguel Arteta about a loser who goes on his first big boy business trip and has an awakening of sorts that involves doing it with Celestia Heche. (Limited release)


The Eagle

In this movie Channing Tatum plays a Roman soldier who is on a trip with his slave boy, Jamie Bell, and then they end up rolling around on the ground together and grunting. That's all you need to know. (Wide release)


Gnomeo & Juliet

A lawn ornament version of Toy Story with a love story at the center, Gnomeo & Juliet is really just set-up for the far superior sequel, TwElf Night. (Wide release)


Just Go With It

Poor lonely, miserable Jennifer Aniston shuffles around this picture, pretending she's married, drinking wine by herself while sitting on the edge of her bed, having nervous jitters while at restaurants, and crying sometimes at the mere sight of someone who looks happy. At the end of the movie she's standing at the edge of a long pier, smoking a cigarette, tracing the flight of seagulls with her hand, and we are not sure where she is going or what she is going to do. (Wide release)


Justin Bieber: Never Say Never

Canadian alt-folk musician Justin Bieber is profiled in this documentary from director John Chu. Bieber discusses his influences, muses about the state of the music-industrial complex, and shows us the five-hundred acre parcel of land he's purchased in Ontario that will serve as a preserve for a rare species of wood thrush. (Super duper wide release)