Kim Kardashian's Grammy Emergency: 'My Whole Butt Wouldn't Fit In My Dress'

Kim Kardashian deploys a team of tailors to sew her butt into her dress. Eva Longoria's new boyfriend has an "Eva" tattoo. Charlie Sheen passes two drug tests. Prince Harry will be Prince William's best man. Monday gossip busts out.

  • Kim Kardashian had "the biggest fashion emergency" before the Grammy's: "I took [my dress] to another tailor and they tailored it to where my whole butt wouldn't fit in it. I was freaking out and said that if I didn't have a dress, I wouldn't go." So the designers rushed to her side and re-sewed the ass of her dress, because their entire livelihood depends on Kim Kardashian's willingness to stick her butt into finery they painstakingly create. Being a fancy designer is so much less glamorous when you realize the whole point is to create an expensive sack for Kim Kardashian to fart in. [Us, images via Getty]
  • Meanwhile, after the Grammy's, Katy Perry went to Clive Davis' party and felt "overdressed." Whitney Houston's 10-person entourage "formed a human chain, shielding her from other guests," like some terrible amalgamation of The Bodyguard and The Human Centipede. Meanwhile, the Cash Money Records party figured out a clever way to cut your bouncer budget in half: Violate L.A. fire codes, thereby forcing the fire marshal to show up and restrict access to your party, by law! Nicki Minaj was there, and so was Reggie Bush who is apparently positioning himself to find another Kardashian-esque car model girlfriend. Lil' Wayne performed his triumphant Green Bay Packers song "Green and Yellow." [P6]
  • Eva Longoria's Spanish pop star boyfriend Eduardo Cruz—little brother of Penelope, wearer of lip rings—already got a tattoo with her name on it. Has Eva even had her Tony Parker tat removed, yet? Maybe questionable relationship tattoos are like Ruffles potato chips: You can't have just one. [DailyMail, image via Bauer-Griffin]
  • Prince Harry will be Prince William's best man. Kate Middleton plans to choose her maid-of-honor with a Japanese game show reality contest involving alligators, saran wrap, and giant vat of maple walnut oatmeal. [People]
  • Speaking of farting (during the thing about Kim's butt) Community actor Donald Glover sat next to Anna Wintour at a fashion show. Asked what they talked about, he said, "Talk to them? I tried to disappear! I just kept thinking to myself, 'Don't fart! Don't fart! Please don't fart.'" This is what separates successful Hollywood folk from you and I. Because if I was sitting next to Anna Wintour, I'd fart on purpose. [P6]
  • Kim Kardashian's Grammy Emergency: 'My Whole Butt Wouldn't Fit In My Dress'Here's a picture of Cynthia Nixon and newborn son Max, whom partner Christine Marinoni bore last week. Like his moms, he's a ginger. [Us, image via AP]
  • Lauren Conrad threw a tantrum at her 25th birthday party in Las Vegas. It's her party, and she'll stomp her feet and scream at her friends and beg MTV to please please pleeeeeaze not drop her new reality show pilot if she wants to. [DailyMail]
  • In the front row at a fashion show, Alan Cumming tried to take a picture of a model's "amazing bottom" with his iPhone, but "slipped and took a photo of my shoes instead." Alan Cumming: High fashion subway pervert. [P6]
  • Lindsay Lohan courtroom updates: Her lawyer says the necklace she is accused of stealing is worth no more than $1000, which would make its theft a misdemeanor, not a felony. The judge hasn't decided on that, yet, but a movement to get LiLo a new judge (as opposed to the one who sentenced her to rehab and threatened her with jail) was approved, and apparently bodes well. [Radar, TMZ]
  • Kevin Federline owes $20,000 in back taxes, dating to the months after his divorce from Britney Spears was finalized. Maybe it's like when the poor people in Extreme Home Makeover can't afford to pay their taxes? Getting a divorce settlement from Britney: The rags to riches tale of our time. [TMZ]
  • Good news! Charlie Sheen passed two drug tests since his in-home rehab began. Which means he's either sober, or is having his hookers pee in cups. [TMZ]