We asked our beloved commenters for their best and worst breakup stories. We received lots of tales of heartbreak that would make even the most diehard romantic hate Valentine's Day. But, naturally, there could only be one winner.
Before we get to the most heart-wrenching story of all, let's look at some of the honorable mentions. Here are some stories that make us want to stay single forever. The authors were all awarded a gold star for sharing their misery. The titles are ours, but the pain is all theirs. Click on the name to read the story.
- Salts in the Wound by TotalBetty
- Family Affair by Horsenpony
- Camp Joinaculta by Resu427
- Breakdown Lane by AllNeonLike
- Imaginary Boyfriend by RenobKilla
- Irish Goodbye by BeachLover
- Bad Vibrations by JustFuckIt
- Every Rose Has Its Thorn by TonsOfFuckingSequins
- Getting Clocked by by HoundstoothHurricane
But there was one tale of woe that was head and shoulders above the rest. Not only does it entail a horribly brusque brush-off, but the bloody death of a loved one at the hands of his ex. Commenter President Camacho wins the grand prize of a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers for his tale, My Bloody Valentine:
I was just thinking about this the other day, actually. In my mid-20s I had been dating a girl seriously for almost a year. We were watching a movie in my townhouse one night, and she was acting really weird, kind of distant and standoffish, which was very unlike her normal behavior. As it started to get late she told me she had to go back to her apartment, which was also unusual since she typically stayed at my place several nights a week, and certainly if we were hanging out late at night. But I told her goodbye, and didn't think that much of it. The next morning I went to feed my dog, who pretty much lived in the backyard during the nice times of the year, but he was nowhere to be found. I knew he wiggled under the fence sometimes, and although I had made efforts to patch up/chicken wire the weak spots he would still sometimes find a way to get out. So I went to the front door, figuring he might be out in the neighborhood somewhere. As I opened the front door, I was greeted by the site of my dead dog on the porch, with a note from my girlfriend saying she was breaking up with me and sorry about the dog. Apparently in her haste to get away from me the night before she had accidentally run over poor Jonny Johnson, who had been lying behind her car in the driveway. So, yeah. Pretty much the worst thing I've ever experienced.
Wow, that was a doozy, wasn't it? President Camacho, Email us to redeem your prize. And thanks to everyone who took part. We know things can get tough at times, but you're all still our Valentines. As Kiki DuRane says, "If we could love, we'd love you all."