The Daily Editor Wants to Find the Oldest Dog in America

Daily Intel got their hands on a truly delightful memo from Jesse Angelo, editor-in-chief of News Corp's brand-new iPad-only thing The Daily. "Egypt is over," Angelo declares, "time for us to get focused on covering America." Here's the whole thing:

Subject: The News
Folks, Egypt is over - time for us to get focused on covering America.

We need to get out there and start finding more compelling stories from around the country - not just scraping the web and the wires, but getting out on the ground and reporting. Find me an amazing human story at a trial the rest of the media is missing. Find me a school district where the battle over reform is being fought and tell the human tales. Find a town that is going to be unincorporated because it's broke. Find me a story of corruption and malfeasance in a state capitol that no one has found. Find me something new, different, exclusive and awesome. Find me the oldest dog in America, or the richest man in South Dakota. Force the new White House press secretary to download The Daily for the first time because everyone at the gaggle is asking about a story we broke. Get in front of a story and make it ours - force the rest of the media to follow us. It's good stories that will keep people coming back to The Daily - we've assembled a crack news team, so let's show the world what we can do.

Words cannot say how thrilled we are by this memo, and the future it promises for The Daily. We cannot wait to hear about the richest man in South Dakota! About amazing human stories at trials! One can only imagine the scene in the White House a few months hence:

SCENE: WHITE HOUSE PRESS ROOM. White House Press Secretary JAY CARNEY is taking questions at the daily briefing.

CARNEY: Yes, Jake.

JAKE TAPPER: Does the White House have any comment on The Daily's exclusive story on the oldest dog in America?

CARNEY: I'm sorry—the oldest... Where is this story?

TAPPER: The Daily. [TAPPER HOLDS UP HIS IPAD] They have a story here about—and I'm quoting—"the oldest dog in America."

CARNEY: I, uh, well, obviously, if this dog is, in fact, the oldest... [CARNEY BEGINS TO SWEAT] you know what, Jake, no comment for now.

CHUCK TODD: Why won't you answer the question about the oldest dog in America?

PETER BAKER: The public has a right to know about the oldest dog in America.

[THE PRESS CORPS murmurs approvingly]

CARNEY: Folks, really, we don't have a comment at this time [CARNEY PAUSES AND WRITES A NOTE]. Does anyone have any questions about Egypt?

TAPPER: Egypt is over, Jay.

TODD: No one gives a shit about Egypt, Carney. [HIS VOICE BEGINS TO RISE] We want to know about the dog.

CARNEY: Again, uh, no comment on the dog. Any other questions?

MIKE ALLEN: Yes, I have a question.

CARNEY: Mike.

ALLEN: I'm reading here an exclusive story in The Daily about the richest man in South Dakota? Does the White House have any comment?

[Daily Intel]