Hilarious Arizona Senate Race in the WorksS

With the news of old Arizona Sen. Jon Kyl not seeking reelection in 2012, state Republicans are already considering possible successors. Is Arizona, like Egypt, "prepared for democracy," or will this bad-child state elect some nutter or authoritarian child of Dan Quayle?

The "safe" candidate who's already entered the race is Rep. Jeff Flake, a libertarian Republican who'll get the backing of economic conservatives. Too boring, right? Let's look at the other possible contenders:

  • Sheriff Joe Arpaio: The self-promoting Maricopa County Sheriff, who likes to humiliate and abuse his many racially profiled labor-camp prisoners with pink underwear and other high school hazing props (on national television, if preferable), said yesterday that "the door is open right now" to a Senate run. Many of his white elderly fans are trying to draft him, and he has the edge over Rep. Flake in an early poll. Why can't he just be appointed right now? He's a lock, maybe. He is also being sued by the federal government.
  • Rep. Ben Quayle: The weird Scottsdale porn scribe could catapult himself to the Senate after only one term in the House with pretty much the same strategy he used in the last election: asking his vice president father, Dan, to shake down his old pals from the Bush 41 cabinet and then simply purchase the Senate seat in a clean transaction, one swipe of the card.
  • Former Rep. J.D. Hayworth: Hayworth is former corrupt pal of disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff who continues to grift in Arizona. Sure, he lost 2010's Senate primary to John McCain, but only after those infomercials in which he pitched FREE GOVERNMENT MONEY! came to the forefront. But that's old news! And maybe now that they've had some time to chew it over, Arizona Republicans have realized that they want more FREE GOVERNMENT MONEY! since there's no other money in the state.

All this field needs is a Mexican.

[via Roll Call. Image of Joe Arpaio via AP]