Nameless Republican Candidate Who Doesn't Exist Could Beat ObamaS

Why are Republicans having such a hard time finding a decent presidential candidate to crush all the others? It shouldn't be that hard. You only need one, and it's a country of 309 million people. The sitting president is vulnerable, too. That's an incentive to pluck some generic governor who doesn't say insane things all the time! And yet we still have this weak GOP field, where so many candidates have major flaws and aren't really loved by anyone, especially their mothers.

There's a new Gallup poll out that shows "Nameless Republican," or "the Republican party's candidate," tying Obama in 2012 election preferences. The actual current human candidates, however, all trail him, with the closest being Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney — the softly supported early frontrunners whom Republicans don't want but "know" the best, and probably won't get much more excited about going forward. They've been around for 100 years now. Romney? Huckabee? Bleh.

Republicans need a generic governor with at least a modest record of competence who keeps his or her mouth shut. That's all. No strange pandering or posturing to the base. Do you hear that, Tim "I will reinstate Don't Ask Don't Tell" Pawlenty? Just sit quietly while the other dingbats kill each other off with their overpaid consultants' stupid and obviously phony catchphrases and symbolic positions, collect your 25%, win the nomination, and win the presidency. You can do it, Nameless Republican!

[Image via AP]