Skinny, Virginal, and Employed vs. Fat, Sexy, and Sick: America Speaks

Runner's high! Job vs. health! Sex vs. skinny! Cola cancer! Dwarf salvation! Crib mishaps! Geographic exercise aversion! Smoke-free hotels! And lap bands for the rest of us! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch health—while choosing, poorly!

  • What really causes "runner's high?" Running (while sniffing glue).
  • Which stresses you out more: your job, or your health? Most people say "job," but your job is probably destroying your health, so why not have both?
  • The majority of women in a new Fitness magazine survey say they'd skip sex for an entire year if it would make them skinny. Yea well if you skipped sex for a year you would be skinny, cause...the... okay, reload. Yea, if you want to be skinny that bad then stop... sexing cake? Sometimes you think something's an easy joke setup and then it turns out not to be. And you're like "God, I'd give up sex for a whole year if it would make me skinny enough to... escape, between the bars of this prison... of words."
  • Cola coloring might give you cancer!
  • But dwarfism might protect you from cancer! God is fair.
  • Almost 10,000 babies a year are injured in crib mishaps, and all of them could have been prevented if only you were a better mom.
  • The CDC says that residents of Alabama, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Oklahoma and Tennessee are the Americans least likely to exercise. But most likely to be chased by a giant chicken-fried steak, in a dream.
  • More and more and more hotels as well as motels are going completely "smoke-free," even in the rooms. Where will travelers smoke now, except for anywhere not enclosed by the four walls of their hotel?
  • Are you obese, but not morbidly obese? There's a new lap band stomach restricting device just for you. It's called a "Size 38 belt." Jay Leno, ladies and gentlemen! Play me over, Kev!

[Photo: wolleydog/ Flickr]