A sixteen-year-old was arrested in Brooklyn on Wednesday for kidnapping the daughter of an acquaintance after the acquaintance "smacked" her for eating the last of his hot pockets. Yes! That is what happened, according to the Staten Island Advance, which cites "a law enforcement source"; the suspect, one Aliyah Austin—"a transient from Brooklyn"—was, in fact, briefly cohabitating with the unnamed "acquaintance" and apparently providing babysitting services. ("The source," the Advance tell us, "could not immediately say how Ms. Austin met the victim's father.") In any case, it was the fateful hot pocket-related "smack" (surely that qualifies as domestic abuse?) that set this particular wheel in motion:
Apparently bent on revenge, Ms. Austin waited until the man went to work Tuesday afternoon.
About 7 p.m., she grabbed the little girl and left, said the source. They made their way from Mersereau Avenue to the Staten Island Ferry and ultimately to the apartment of the suspect's friend in Brooklyn...
Ms. Austin texted the man and taunted him with Facebook messages, said the source.
"If you want your baby back, meet me at the rock," she texted, according to the source.
Texting, of course, is not a particularly confidential method of communication, and authorities were able to track down Ms. Austin via her cell phone signal. The source—who, it should be said, seems rather sympathetic toward and perhaps even somewhat protective of the physically-abusive "acquaintance"—was unable to say with any certainty where, exactly "the rock" is, but it may be "the slang name for Staten Island," or perhaps "the Rockaways in Queens." In any event, it seems necessary to say that where scarce hot pocket resources are concerned, open and honest communication between parties is much more effective than "smacking" and will result in vastly fewer kidnappings.