Kim Kardashian celebrates her 30th birthday by making a video of herself getting frothed in the face. Nicki Minaj "doesn't do" escalators. Charlie Sheen throws a party. A vengeful flight attendant plays a "wire hangers" prank on Faye Dunaway. Monday gossip's cup overfloweth.

  • Kim Kardashian did a keg stand on her 30th birthday, a totally spontaneous act that had nothing to do with the reality TV cameras present. The ensuing image of America's foremost nouveau riche glamour girl hoisted upside down frothy beer foam cascading across her heavily painted face, shiny stilettos pointing to the sky, skintight cocktail dress straining to contain an unexpected influx of calories, is of cultural significance, though I'm not sure I have the words for it yet. Something about the American collective subconscious' desire to subject its sexually desirable females to frat house humiliations, then slap some fake hair and self-tanner on, and place the ensuing silicone-enhanced wretch on a pedestal and shower her with $65 million of riches? Bleakest keg stand ever. [Popeater]
  • "Just like Mariah Carey 'doesn't do' stairs, Nicki Minaj doesn't do escalators." I don't blame her. Type "escalator accident" into Google, and you will see the stuff of nightmares: Shoelace snags that resulted in people's feet getting ripped off, bloody carnage, screaming babies, and pandemonium in Japan. [P6]
  • Apparently Faye Dunaway is the most annoying celebrity to have on an airplane. Denied an upgrade after buying an economy class ticket, she screamed "Do you know who I am?" prompting prolonged torture from a vengeful flight crew: "We… sat her at the front of coach, where she could see there were seats free in business and first class, which made her even more furious. When we brought out the meal service, she snapped, 'I am not eating,' as if we would care.… When she fell asleep, one steward said, 'I'm going to get that [bleep]' and grabbed a bunch of wire hangers and put them on the seat next to her. All the other passengers were snickering. When she woke up as the plane landed, she was wide-eyed with fury, and looked around [for] whom to blame but had no idea who did it. Then she got up and did yoga in the aisle to calm herself down." Some elements of this story are dubious (don't aviation people call them "flight attendants," not "stewards"?) but, like the X-Files, I want to believe. Last week, Faye got caught throwing a tantrum about over a "fucking handicapped" hotel suite, so the tale of Mommy Dearest's mid-flight panic fits nicely into that narrative. [P6]
  • Ooohh, someone finally scanned an image of Prince William's royal wedding invitations. They're actually pretty boring, a bunch of words and an embossed gold crown. I was hoping for pop-up fireworks or a fleet of Lipizanner stallions or something. [DailyMail]
  • Not receiving a royal wedding invitation: Sarah Ferguson, the flame-haired Duchess of York turned weight loss shilldebeast and Oprah Winfrey Network puppet. Poor Fergie. [People]
  • Charlie Sheen threw a party this weekend. His guest of honor was San Francisco Giants pitcher Brian Wilson, who had a drug-free "male bonding session" with Charlie, which must have been disappointing. Going to Charlie Sheen's house and not watching porn stars smoke crack is like going to Disney World and not seeing any furies. [TMZ]
  • Speaking of crack-smoking Charlie Sheen porn stars, Kacey Jordan gave an interview to announce she just had an abortion: "I think it might have been too soon to be Charlie's baby, but you never know. I get pregnancy very easily." This is Kacey's fourth abortion, and she suspects it was an A-list embryo: "A week earlier I had been with another celebrity, so it could of [sic] been his, but I can't talk about him because I had to sign a release." Wait, Charlie didn't have his girls sign releases? Then why is Kacey the only one talking? Are the rest of them actually that loyal? [Radar]
  • Celine Dion is raising her twin babies to be bilingual, fluent in French and English. Since twin babies are inherently BOGO, makes sense to get two languages for the price of one while you're at it. [Us]
  • Joe Jonas gave Twilight girlfriend Ashley Greene a Chanel charm bracelet for her 24th birthday: "My boyfriend said it's vintage Coach, and I was like 'Thanks so much.' And then I put it on and was like, 'Oh my god, this is Chanel!'" This must be Ashley's way of letting us know Joe isn't gay. [People]
  • After a four-month romance and rumored engagement, I Am Number Four co-stars Dianna Agron and Alex Pettyfer are now breaking up. Young love: Fleeting. [Us]
  • Britney Spears re-tweeted a 10-second clip of what is presumed to be her next single, "Inside Out." I haven't figured out how they'll turn that phrase into double entendre, but if "Hold It Against Me" is any indicator, they will. [@BritneySpears]