New Dr Pepper: Ten Bold Calories of Penis FlavorS

Are you a 25-to-34-year-old male who prefers regular Dr Pepper, but wants fewer calories—and also knows that Diet Dr. Pepper is for queers? Allow us to introduce you to Dr Pepper Ten: ten masculine calories, made outta balls.

You see, soda companies have spent untold millions of dollars trying to figure out how to market diet sodas to guys. We guys want to keep our abs (for hot chicks to lick), but we don't wanna be seen drinking diet soda, like some queers. Amirite, fellas? You know what I'm talking about. *Butt slap.* Dr. Pepper has discovered the secret formula: instead of going all the way down to zero calories, you keep ten calories in the soda—ten bold calories, that taste like machine guns. Ad Age reports that the company's ad agency is bringing this bold, cock-reminiscent flavor right to where men live:

A mobile "Man Cave" will also travel to each of six test markets... The branded trailer will set up in "testosterone zones" such as ball fields or car shows and give men a place to watch TV and play video games.

There's nothing that gets a man's testosterone pumping more than sippin' on some cold Dr. Pepper 10s, while playing video games with a bunch of other dudes, inside a trailer parked at the car show. Hey ladies: run along and sip on your newer and more feminine "skinny cans" of Diet Pepsi. Me and the fellas are gonna grab some DP10s and go admire our abs in the Man Cave.

[Ad Age. Photo via]